Sunday, November 6, 2011
For the most part, this year proved to be as fun as past years. There were a few differences though. Two of my friends have developed a rift in their friendship. (They probably spend the most time together.) There are some things going on with P that H doesnt agree with. To be honest, neither do I, but these are her decisions to make, and she'll have to deal with the consequences. What I do agree with is that H was in the wrong when she told numerous people about what is going on with P. Its very personal, and really no one else's business. Because of this, P has stopped going to church. She's afraid she's being judged. But that is the place she needs to be most. She and I had a good heart to heart talk Saturday night. I'm not always one to say what people dont want to hear, but I felt like God was guiding me in telling her things she needed to hear, whether she wanted to or not. I wasn't mean or hurtful, just truthful. It was one of the only times the words just came effortlessly, and I felt I said a lot of what needed to be said. I hope she really listened. I hope she's willing to make the changes she needs to make. I hope they can mend their friendship, and get back what's been lost.
I also talked to my friends about whats been going on with me and LLG. We had some good laughs about some things, lots of questions (most of which I dont have answers to), and I even blushed once at a comment that was made (which rarely happens!).
So while this weekend was fun, productive, soul filling.... there was just something missing this year. There wasn't the cohesiveness with the 4 of us like there usually is. You could feel the tension, and that just took a little something away from the weekend.
On the down side....I snacked waaaaaay more than I had planned or wanted to. So, back to the grind tomorrow. Unfortunately I havent been to get groceries yet---just entirely too exhausted this afternoon when I got home. So I must go tomorrow to get some healthy and fresh food back in the house.
Friday, October 28, 2011
The senior band show was pretty good...they wore "M. C. Hammer parachute pants" and danced while the band played Cant Touch This.
Seems like we've hit another transition point. Football is over, so no more marching band. We've had the fall choir (and this year, band) concerts, so practice for the Christmas concerts have started. Even though Halloween isn't until Monday, I feel like its over since trick-or-treat was last night. The girls had fun.
As far as everything else, I guess its the same old same old.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
I have so much I need to do. I have to edit the photos from the wedding last weekend. I've started, but I just hate doing it. Must. get. it. done. Doesn't matter how much easier the new program is, I dont think I'm going to like editing any better.
We're down to the last week of football season. I've enjoyed having a reason to go this year, not that I needed one in the past. But its fun to watch the band and support Alexis.
Today was the last day of the little girls soccer. While its also fun to watch them, this year didn't qo quite like other years. The older kids started with 4 teams like always, but after the first or second day, only enough kids for 2 teams showed up. So I think they've just been mixing the kids each week to play each other. They still had fun.
Less than a month til the musical now. That means just over a month til Thanksgiving. How can that be? Time is just flying by! I've been trying to grab a few smaller Christmas presents here and there, because I just dont have much money to put towards it. If I do a couple things each trip, hopefully they'll still have a nice Christmas. I worry about that...
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
The weekend was loads of fun. A friend came down Saturday and we photographed a wedding at my church. I've done a few others, but it was his first. I think we got some good shots.
We came back here to start looking through pictures, and about an hour later my dad, stepmom, sister, and aunt came. We had pizza, sat around and chatted, and then Rock Band started. So fun. Sunday was church and lunch out, then more Wii, this time dancing. What a sight! Then the family headed back home.
I've lost my motivation to keep at the weight loss. The dancing Sunday was the most exercise I've done in ages. It felt good...it lasted about 1 1/2 hours, and I was sweating! But I cant make myself do anything on a regular basis. Part of the reason is I'm so busy...its really been crazy! But part is that I just dont want to. I need a workout partner...someone to be accountable to, so that if we have exercise planned, I cant bail. But I dont know who.
And my eating is off too. I know I'm doing bad, but it doesn't stop me. I just need to get back at it. I was finally seeing some differences, and that should be motivation... Sigh...
Tomorrow is a new start.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Things are still moving along. Last week Alexis was sick. She missed 3 days of school and the football game, but she's feeling better now.
This week Brenna is sick. She missed yesterday (and the choir concert) and I'm taking her to the dr today. This is more than enough sickness for this year now.
My friend made it down Saturday to check out the church. We went through all the details in the sanctuary, then walked through the basement where the reception will be. I think we're ready now. I'm going to the rehearsal Friday night just to get the final details and such.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
A. Age - 40
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
So now I'm not sure if we'll try again next weekend or what. Maybe it was a good thing he didnt come today, and then he can come next weekend and go to the hayride with us. I would really really like to get him to a function like that with me once... I think if I could, maybe, just maybe, I could get him to church occasionally. So I'm going to try hard on this one.
I came home from there and fell asleep in the chair. I'm just exhausted. I know thats why I'm sick. I get stressed and my immunities go down. So I'm trying hard to keep it at bay. Hopefully I'll be able to get a good night sleep tonight. I'm sure that will help...along with my orange juice and neti pot... I hate feeling so run down.
I did make apple crisp and lasagna today. We'll take the apple crisp for lunch tomorrow, but had the lasagna for dinner tonight and it was quite good. The other good news from today is band-a-rama was cancelled. Its been cold and rainy and windy all day. I told Alexis I wouldn't be going even if they did have it. Feeling the way I do, the last thing I need to do is going sit in the cold wet night. I'm glad it was cancelled. I would have felt bad for not going.
Hoping for an all around better day tomorrow.
Friday, September 30, 2011
The weigh in wasn't so bad..a gain, but just .8. Then today I was down 1.2, so I'll be happy about that. Another thing to be happy about is when I went to buy new jeans last night, I got a smaller size! And I didnt have to squeeze into them, lol. Even after washing and drying them last night, they fit great. Keeps the motivation going.
On the downside, I'm so tired. I'm also feeling a bit of a cold coming on. Between that, the stress of the last couple weeks, working then subbing this week....I need some sleep.
Mom is back in the hospital for a couple days. They're starting her back on her TPN (IV feed) and want to make sure she does ok with it before they send her home. I went in to see her this evening and saw the most beautiful rainbow out her window. Hope thats a sign of good things to come.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Things in the healthy eating area have not been good. I'm expecting a gain tomorrow. I wont be surprised if its significant even. Not only have I not been eating well, its also TOM. Add up the stress of the last 2 weeks and it cant come out to anything good. I will accept it and move on.
I'm skipping the football game this Friday. As much as I love going, I just feel like I need Friday off. Its supposed to rain, its supposed to be cold, and its away, so I have to pay full price for us all. Instead, I'm letting all the girls have friends come over to stay. Maybe I'd be smarter to go to the game, lol.
On Saturday the little girls have soccer. Their friends are also in soccer, so they'll go home with their parents after thats over. My friend is supposed to come down so I can show him the church where the wedding will be that we're going to photograph in a couple weeks. Then Saturday night is band-a-rama. I haven't been to that in a long time.
I'm really tired. I'm feeling an early bedtime again tonight. I was asleep by 9:30 last night. I just need things to settle down a bit. Wont be tomorrow, I'm subbing then and Friday this week. Looking forward to seeing the extra money on the paycheck for sure!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Today is not off to a good start. I've really been trying...really. And I'm making NO progress at all. None. I'm hanging around at the same weight I've been at for weeks. There is no way I've hit a plateau. I just dont know why its not working. I'm tracking food, exercising, and nothing. Its no wonder I always quit. I'm not doing it just to lose weight, I also want to be healthier, but I NEED to lose some weight, and I'm frustrated. And ticked. If you put in the effort, you should see results...even if slow. But none?
Now where did I put those brownies?
Monday, September 12, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Last night was the football game. Olivia is liking the chance to run around with her friends. We won, 30-0.
Today was the fair. We had a lot of fun. Maddy spent most of the time riding the "big kid" rides this year. She couldnt ride the ones that were 48" or above, but that didnt leave many she couldnt ride. She rode the motorcycles in kiddie land, and when she got off she said how boring it was, lol. Guess we're about done with kiddie land. :( I'd like to go back one more time this week. We didnt go through any of the animal barns. We were just too tired.
I did really well eating there. I usually get the chicken fajita---oh so good---but I thought the flatbread was probably a lot of calories. They also offer it as a salad, so I got that instead. It was yummy! I watched them make it so I could see just how much stuff they were putting in it, and it wasnt a lot of ranch, so that was good. I really think overall it was a pretty healthy choice. Then we all shared a funnel cake. I only had a few bites. It was a good time.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Today is weigh in day. I lost a little over a pound. I hadn't been keeping track of the decimal part of the change, but I think I'll start. I'm only .2 away from the next pound down. :)
I started working out on the total gym tonight. I hate that my whole body isn't at the same place, so some things are really hard at the incline I have it set at. But I dont think I should put it down any lower. So I guess I have to work up to it being too easy.
Lots to do in the next couple days. Looking forward to the fair on Saturday!
Monday, September 5, 2011
As if its not bad enough that the van has sucked so much money lately, now my computer is following suit. I'm almost positive it needs a new hard drive. Lovely. I'm hoping its done by the weekend...really hoping! Until then, I'll have to borrow the kiddos.
Tonight we're sitting here relaxing after a day of shopping, and we hear a loud boom, while at the same time the power goes out. We all come running from different directions to see what happened. I thought someone hit a pole, but nothing was out there. The neighbor was outside looking at the pole between our houses, and said there was a dead squirrel on the ground. Seems he was messing where he wasn't supposed to be (the squirrel, not the neighbor) and tripped the transformer. Thankfully it was back on in a couple hours. (Sure makes you realize how much earlier its getting dark these days.)
I'm starting to write down what I eat now. I'm still thinking I might be a bit low on calories, so I want to track for awhile. But I still cant find my kitchen scale. I almost bought one at Walmart today, but decided to wait. I have no idea what happened to mine when we moved. I also bought the wrong kind of sausage links for breakfast. Sigh...
With all the negatives from today, I'll end with a positive. My aunt got the girls some new clothes at Kohls today. They got some cute stuff. Cant wait til its me buying cute new stuff!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
I must admit that there is one good thing to getting up early to run. Its dark. I dont turn on the lights when I run, just the tv. So I cant see the timer on the treadmill. I kinda keep track in my head about which number run I'm on, but I cant see the actual time. Yesterday I ran later in the day, so everything was right there for me to watch. I think I will take someone else's advice and cover the timer so I cant see it.
I'm also a bit frustrated. This is going in to week 5 (I think), and while I'm really trying hard, I'm not seeing results. I lost a lot the first week (typical), but since week 2, I'm just kind of sitting in the same place. Maybe I'm not putting enough into it. I just started exercising last week, so I was hoping for something to change, but I guess I need to give it time. I know I need to add something with weights too, but I havent yet. (I also cant find my kitchen scale. It has to be in the basement somewhere still packed up, but it must be in the box with my mini food processor, because I cant find that either.)
I've been spending too much time reading other blogs :), but it has given me a bit of inspiration. While I'm hoping to pick up more subbing days on the 2 days I have off a week, if I dont, I need to do something productive. I think I'm going to get my bike out and start riding on some of those days. I cant always just run or do the same things...I'll get bored (and I know it will happen fast for me)... so maybe I just need a ride on the trail.
As for today...tonight is the town homecoming. The kids are eating at their dad's first, so I wont be eating there either. I'm meeting up with friends later, and might have some homemade icecream, but thats all I'm planning. Should be a fun evening. (Now if the heat would just break before then!)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Food was pretty good again today. I did have a candy bar today, which is really not normal for me at all. (I bought them for some kids at school that helped me out, but didnt see them yesterday to give them the candy. I better hide the rest!) Oh, and I might change my weigh in days to Thursdays. I think I need that extra day to recover from the weekend, not that I do really bad, but with family dinners on Sundays, it will help. I was back to the lowest today, so its all down from here. :)
I just feel really good that I got a workout in today. I've been doing nothing on my non running days. I have the ipod all loaded for week 2 tomorrow. The good thing is, if I dont get a call to sub, I dont have to get up early to do it. I can wait til the kids leave for school!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
I got up early again this morning to run. I hope someday I can be a morning person again. Its just so hard. But, its done.
W1D3: 1.33 miles.
I'm getting ready to download the music for week 2 so I have no excuses to keep going.
I had a good day with food today. I've seen some blogs where people take pics of everything they eat to keep them accountable. I'm considering it, but I'm not sure I have that dedication. Would make the blog more interesting though, lol.
Today was a busy day at school. I dont have kids in the library, but I picked up more intervention times, so I was on the go almost all day. I really should get a pedometer (or at least find the cheap one I have around here somewhere). Might be interesting to track that for awhile.
No work tomorrow (so far), so I think I might try to do some weights. I seriously feel I need to add that back in.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I also havent looked for a dress/outfit for the Christmas challenge. I just keep forgetting. I keep thinking I need to find one, print it out, and tape it to the treadmill. :) Maybe that will keep me motivated.
I also need to post my distances so I can keep track. I'd like to see how my pace is varying from run to run.
W1D1 - 1.3 miles
W1D2 - 1.27 miles
Pretty consistent so far. I hope tomorrow will be just a little more. My legs felt kinda heavy today though (I mean--they are, lol, but they felt muscle tired heavy today). :)
On the plus side---I remembered to turn on the crock pot this morning.
Monday, August 29, 2011
I did day one on Saturday and felt pretty good during and after. Today, not as much. I struggled just a bit as I was running today, and seriously thought about quitting early...but thats not going to get me results. So I stuck it out and finished.
I would like to think I can keep getting up at 5:50 to workout before I go to work. I used to be a morning person, but not so much anymore. Six a.m. is not my idea of a good hour to wake up. So we'll see how long I can keep doing it. (I felt I didnt have a choice today...I had to work and then have a meeting tonight at 7, so I didnt think I'd have any other time to do day 2 today.)
Food has been going today, besides the fact I forgot to turn on the crock pot when I left for work this morning. Ugh! Thats the second time I've done that. Sigh.... Guess I'll have to start putting a note on the door.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
The second reason is because I have absolutely no clue what size I could realistically be wearing in 14 weeks. (Actually a little longer, as their challenge doesnt start until Sept 11) I know at my size, it takes longer to drop a size that it does when you're smaller. So just one size? Maybe 2? I dont want to go too low and then not make it, even though what I did accomplish might be good.
So, what am I going to do instead? I'm going to join the challenge. Here. Without signing up anywhere. Just me. Doing what I know I need to do. And what is that exactly? A weekly weigh in. I've usually used Friday or something like that, but I think I'm going to pick Wednesday as my weigh in day. Why? Not sure...just seems like a good middle ground. Then I will post actual changes (good or bad) for all the world to see.
I will also exercise at least 3 times a week to start, and add something more each week or 2. I know this is part of what I'm lacking. I hate to run, but for some reason, I'm still drawn to running. I want to do it. Maybe its just to prove something to myself. Maybe its because I really want to do a Race for the Cure (and not walk). I dont know, but I want to start again.
I will also count calories. I'm going to aim for 1200 a day. I know its a little low, so I'm going to give myself a bit of slack to change it up from day to day. What I'm really shooting for is a range of 1200 - 1500 per day. Along the same lines, I need to find some good nutritional information. I'd like to find some kind of eating plan.
So how am I going to accomplish all this? As soon as I'm done with this post, I'm going to go put on some workout clothes and do day one of C25K. Its already loaded on the ipod. Its going to suck big time. :) But I'm going to do it. I'm going to go down and see if I can find my kitchen scale that is still packed up in the basement somewhere. Its a necessity if I'm going to count calories. I need to invest in a new pair of shoes. Mine are really wearing out, and my feet hurt by the end of the day, so I know they're not going to give me the support I need to run. (This will have to wait a bit, as my financial situation is struggling more than my weight at the moment.) I'm going to set up the Total gym to get some weight training in. And I'm going to write down everything I eat so I can be accountable. Oh, and water...I'm already drinking a minimum of 80 oz a day. I'll keep that up at minimum.
Let see where I can be by Christmas.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
I didnt do any of the goals I set for last week. No exercise. No kitchen scale. Way to stay accountable....
School started Monday. Can I just say this has been a downright awful week, and when it rains it pours doesnt even do it justice.
I went out Monday morning to go to school, and the van tire was flat. It wasn't that I ran over something, it was that my tires were just that bad. So, I ended up with 4 new tires this week. Can you say ouch?! I dont get paid for 2 more weeks, and since summer is over and I didnt get paid all summer...that hurt. Thank goodness for credit cards, even though I hate hate hate to use mine. At least it gives me the option to make payments.
After the tires, I also had to have a new oxygen sensor put on. Another $100 down the drain. All I can say is I'm thankful my ex and I are still friendly, because he put it on for me so I dont have to take it somewhere to have it done. And lastly (I hope) with the van---it needs a new power steering pump. Its been a frustrating week for sure.
And while the van has caused all that stress, school has been no piece of cake either. They told me when they moved the bookshelves that they would take the books off and put them back on just how they took them off. I never looked that close when I went in last week, but this week I realized they're all out of order. It was a mess! On Monday I had the 5th and 6th graders help me move the books. One word---nightmare. It just made things worse. So I spent the entire day yesterday putting books in order. I have one set of shelves left to do.
The kids are also pushing the buttons. They will not shut up. I cant believe how disrespectful kids have become. I'm trying really hard to make sure my kids are not that way. I think its working, as when I had Maddy's class in the library, she was pretty good and didnt really sit with many of the other girls. She has a class of talkers, and they're also pretty catty already... making mean faces at each other and saying mean things. Its awful. So they'll have assigned seats when they come in next week. Sad I cant even give the older kids the option to sit where they want.
Yes, the stress has added up.
I had today off. I needed it sooooo bad. I got the house cleaned up and even took a little nap. I have just been exhausted trying to get back into a routine. I hate hate hate 6am. I know I shouldnt complain, because I know there are many people who get up a lot earlier than that, but my body clock just does not like that hour. Plus, I cant go to sleep at 10---I'm just not ready. So I'm struggling to get the sleep I need. Which doesnt help my mood...
Tomorrow I'm subbing kindergarten. Not sure if this is good, or if I'm crazy. I love that I have the opportunity to sub this year to make some extra money, but I also like being in the library because I only have each class for 40 minutes at a time. :) At least tomorrow night is the first football game!
There is one bright ray in all of this... I'm finding there are still some wonderful people out there. I dont really want to elaborate at this point, but it sure is nice to know there are some good people in the world.
Oh, and only 1 more pound lost since the last time I posted. Sigh...
Friday, August 19, 2011
My timing is not going to be the best on this, but my goals for starting week 4 (Monday) are these---
2. Count calories (at least for awhile). I think I need to make sure I'm in the ball park I think I'm in. Over the weekend I need to dig out my kitchen scale and look up some calorie counts on the foods I'm eating frequently. (I read a blog about someone who doesnt count the calories in fruits or veggies...maybe I could do that for veggies, but I think I need to count fruits.)
Now that school starts on Monday, I need to be better again at planning menus and having the stuff on hand. (Another thing I need to do this weekend.) I've been pretty good about it, and our trips to fast food are minimal. I told the girls we're going to try a few things in the next months---like no fast food at all in October. (It wont count if they're with their dad unless there is another option. But there wont be any for me period.) Not only is eating at home a healthier option, it will save money as well. I know its going to take awhile for the girls to get used to not having as much processed food in the house, but I'm hoping if I start now, they'll learn to make better choices than I did growing up.
I understand that all of this is not going to be a quick fix, or overnight success. But I'm in it for the long haul this time. There are things I want to do, and I'm tired of being tired and feeling bad and having no self esteem.
The change is now.
Monday, August 15, 2011
I think that first week of headaches was my body detoxing. I've felt really good the past week. I've been reading some other blogs, and really thought the physical feelings might just be in their minds, but I really can tell a difference. I dont feel as sluggish. I've had minimal sugar in the past 2 weeks, and I really can tell a difference. Makes me want to continue.
My goal for this week is to work in some exercise. I'm having such a hard time just thinking about it. I know it will make things go faster, make look better, and help add to my feeling better. I need the nike slogan---just do it (already!).
I also need to find more healthy options for lunch. Salad is going to get old fast. I'm going to be a bit more limited now that school is starting (ugh!). I start back Friday, and they decided to do something different, and will be feeding us lunch as a district. This is NOT the way I want to spend my entire "welcome back" day. Oh well, at least its just once a year.
Off to make the grocery list.
Monday, August 8, 2011
We went to the movie today. I did have some popcorn, but also took my own lunch along too... trail bologna and swiss cheese, and cucumbers. Breakfast was a pineapple-mango smoothie. I'm just not all that fond. The mango leaves an awful after taste for a long time. I think on my smoothie days, I'll stick with berries and bananas.
Dinner was leftover green beans/potatoes/ham and cornbread. I also had a few carrots with a wedge of laughing cow cheese, and tried hummus. Cant say I'm all that fond of that. I might try another kind, but I think laughing cow will be my go-to "veggie dip".
No exercise again today, and a headache pretty much all day.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
So its been one week, and I'm 8 lbs down. I know it wont keep coming off that fast, but I really need to keep it up. I've been doing really well, and am proud of the things I've passed up (donuts for breakfast for my company, donuts at a church meeting, etc). I did have a couple things that could have done real harm---mainly pizza. It is by far the thing I could eat every day and never get sick of. We had it Friday for dinner, and I had 2 slices. I had one slice for dinner Saturday. But thats it. No going back for more. Saturday evening we also had chocolate fondue made with dark chocolate, with bananas, strawberries and pound cake for dipping. I had a bit (my first sugar of the week), but did not over do it. This whole life changing process will not work for me if I cant indulge a little now and then. Moderation is the key.
Tomorrow my aunt is taking us to the movie. She wants to stop to get candy before we go. I will either A) not eat anything while we're there, because we're going fairly soon after lunch, or B) take some nuts and/or fruit for me. I'm going to really really try to be 100% on eating during the week. (Might be a little hard this week on Tuesday since we'll be visiting family out of town and having at least one meal away from home.)
School starts 2 weeks from tomorrow. While I really need the money, I'm so not ready to go back yet. This summer didnt go at all as I had hoped. :(
And just so I'll have things on record, this was not a good week for my mom either. She started chemo again this week, but also found out they see 2 more spots on her liver. I'm not sure what will happen there. She's in no shape what-so-ever to have surgery. They also found some abnormalities in her bloodwork. She ended up with an EKG, which also showed something abnormal. They think she could have had a couple small heart attacks. Just one more thing she doesnt need!
We need a vacation.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Water when I woke up
B: Smoothie: 1C ff greek vanilla yogurt w/fresh pineapple and mango (Will do again, but needs tweaked just a bit)
L: Romaine and spinach salad with southwestern grilled chicken, grape tomatoes, sprinkle of 2% cheddar cheese, salsa and sour cream.
Sn: almonds and fresh cherries (mmmmm)
D: Leftovers. A small portion of cream cheese chicken with balsamic rice, turkey on a low carb wrap with a bit of mayo and lettuce
Tons of water and some iced tea sweetened with splenda. (Its a mix of regular and green tea)
Maybe I'll try to do a quick calculation of calories. It will be an estimate, because at this point, I'm not measuring anything (except the yogurt, since it is so calorie dense)
I decided I needed some exercise tonight, so I did Just Dance 2 on the wii. I set out to do 30 minutes, and 60 minutes later I was done. Time just flew by. Thats the kind of exercise I like... fun and fast. :)
Tomorrow I'm hoping to find a farmer's market around here that has something other than the "basics". I'd like to try something new. If I let the kids pick something, they'll be more likely to try it. They're doing pretty good choosing fruit for snacks this week. I'm not making them give up everything processed, but if they can start making better choices and choose the produce more times than the granola bars, I'll be happy.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
In my mind I keep wondering, how long until I fall off? Sundays are a downfall for me. I mean, the whole family is together, there is always dessert, and its just a matter of how long my willpower will hold out. The longer I see results, the longer I'll stay motivated. I'm not on a diet, I'm changing my life. So I just need to get into better habits.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
I have one life to live. Is this really how I want it to be? There are so many things I'd like to do, but dont because my weight holds me back. I'm not comfortable. I'm embarrassed.
I'm tired of living like this.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. I need to go to the grocery store, which is a blessing. My kids are going to rebel. They're going to complain. But they're going to do this too. Fresh fruits and veggies are going to become what they see first when they open the fridge. (They are usually in there, just not out front and prominent.) I'm not buying junk. Maybe occasionally, but not regularly. They're going to have to learn to snack on healthier alternatives.
I'm going to move more. I have the equipment here...treadmill, total gym, elliptical, wii... I'm going to put them to use. I am lazy. I've let that become the norm here. I dont like it. I dont like the way I feel. I dont want to be tired, have headaches, have achy joints. I dont like to be winded running the bases in softball. (And I'm sure I look foolish just doing that!)
So I'm done. I'm done with excuses. I'm done with sitting more than moving. I'm done with making the wrong choices with what I put into my body. I'm done watching. I want to do.
And so I will.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
I'm frustrated with a couple things in my life. I'm really trying, but not having a lot of success. The add the heat and humidity this week, and I'm a bit irritable. Must find something fun and cool to do.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
I still need to sand and paint the vanity, and the cabinet beside the toilet. I'm still debating on whether or not to paint the trim around the window. Its dark brown (weathered, I believe) and kinda matches the shower curtain and such, so I'll see. I'm sure white would crisp it up though.
I started exercising again this week. I just have to keep it up. The girls and I walked on the trail one day, and I even ran a bit. Another day of treadmill, and last night softball. Today I'm going to clean the house (vacuum and mop), and then do a bit of Just Dance on the wii. That sounds like much more fun than the treadmill. :)
Summer seems to be flying by. We're trying to decide on a couple things to do before volley ball and band camp start. The zoo is at the top of the list...probably next week, and then maybe canoeing and/or camping. Then it will have to be evening activities cheap and close to home.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
On top of finishing the bathroom, I'm trying to get ready for the party Monday. (The rest of the house is seriously suffering.) Looking forward to that as always. Tomorrow is the hotdog roast/hayride/fireworks at the farm. Cant wait for that either. Rumor has it this could be the last year. :(
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The tiling is going ok. I sure hope it looks ok (and is ok) once I'm done. I think I got the hardest part done today. I even took 2 tiles with me when I took the girls to get their physicals, and stopped by Lowes to have them cut. The rest I can handle. (Thanks to the Hendersons, who have graciously let me borrow their tiling tools.)
Tomorrow morning I'll finish the tile, then Friday morning I can grout. Saturday morning I can put up beadboard (I hope), and reinstall the toilet. I need that bathroom functional by Saturday because my dad, Sis and Eric are coming to stay til Monday. Ahhhhhh.
To top it off, this week is VBS (which has been a blast for the kids), so I'm down there every evening and lose those hours working on the house!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The front closet is emptied, and some things have been tossed, others in a bag to donate. Everything else is still on the floor in the hallway. (We got a late start today) That will be done tomorrow.
Most of the tile is off the bathroom walls. I still need to do around the sinks. I've also peeled most of the wallpaper off the top part, and wow to the color I found underneath! I dont remember it ever being that color. Hopefully I can make more progress in there tomorrow...
So things are moving along, even though it seems like a slow process.
I was reading another blog, and I decided to try an idea she did on hers----40 things I want to do while I'm 40. (Hers was much easier---she was only 21, lol.) I've tried doing these things before, and I'm really bad at it, so here goes...
1. Reinstate my teaching license (or be well on the way to doing it)
2. Have a yard sale
3. Remodel the main bathroom
4. "Decorate" the house (pictures/art, etc)
5. Finish Ali's room
6. Start jogging
7. Cut back on junk food
8. Learn to use the Smartboard effectively
9. Renew a friendship
10. Go on a date :) (stole this one)
11. Finalize divorce (I guess this one should come before #10, lol)
12. Try Zumba
13. Take more pictures
14. Go see a real movie (not a kid movie)
15. Try a new fruit or vegetable every couple weeks
16. Let someone know I care
17. Go on a mission trip (if offered)
18. Go to Cedar Point
19. Camp out with the girls
20. Be a better housekeeper
Ok, half done. Its taking a long time and a lot of thought, so I'll finish another time. Right now, #20 is calling my name---by way of the laundry.
Monday, June 13, 2011
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. There are so many thing I want (NEED) to get done. I dont know what should take priority. Here are just a few things...
1. Paint the front entryway and hall. (I will do the accent wall tomorrow!!!) I want the rest done and decorated before the 4th.
2. Main bathroom. Tile off the walls, walls scraped and holes filled. Pick paint. Pick tiles. Paint. Tile floor. Redo (or get new) counter. Again---done before the 4th.
3. Empty front closet and organize and purge.
4. Clean spouting.
5. Spray weeds (soon!)
Those are just the things at the top of the list. Then there's the basement, the kitchen, my bedroom and bath....its never ending!
And I havent done anything about classes yet. ***Sigh***
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
I dont remember the last time I could really say that, and honestly mean it. I've had happy moments, but I dont know when I've been happy clear to the core. And I'm enjoying it. A lot of it is because a big part of the stress is not here anymore. It took time, and a lot of soul searching and praying to finally know---really know---that this is the right thing...for me, and for the girls. It doesn't bring me down to hear the negative comments or digs from him anymore. (If he was truely happy, I dont think he would need to do that anymore.) A big part of all this is because of my growing relationship with God. I have been more open to listening, and letting him really get into my heart.
I'm ready to start dating. (Yikes, did I really say that?) Nothing serious or anything at the moment, just someone to hang out with (especially on weekends the girls are with their dad), go for walks, cook dinner together...(cheap things, lol). But I'm not exactly where you meet single guys at my age. I'm also not out looking either, lol. I'm not in a hurry, although Maddy told me today that I need a boyfriend. Thanks Maddy, lol.
In the meantime, I'll keep working on the house...I want to have a yard sale Saturday...need to go to the Habitat store to check out flooring...need to price drywall for Ali's room... So much to do....
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Workday is still on for Saturday. I'm meeting Pam in Wooster to get the shower stuff, then check out the Habitat store for bedroom stuff. Woohoo! Really looking forward to more progress.
The heat finally broke, and if all summer would be like today, I wouldnt complain at all. It was gorgeous!
Monday, May 30, 2011
We had a very fun day. We went to Pam's mom's house like we usually do. It was soooo hot. I'm not ready for it to be this hot! But, we had lunch, went swimming, and cooled off. We spent a lot of time in the pool! Then we got out, had dessert, and played a little softball. By then we were all exhausted, so we came home. Alexis fell asleep, and the rest of us just sat around trying to stay cool. (Several days in the 90s...not ready for that!)
I cant say how excited I am to not have to get up for school tomorrow! But, that doesnt mean I have nothing to do. We're having a work day here Saturday. We're going to try to get the shower done in the big bathroom. I'm SO excited. That will make such a huge difference around here. Depending on how much time that takes, or how much help Chris needs, Pam and I might work in the basement. I'd love to have Ali's room done this summer...plus paint the basement and maybe get a carpet remnant to put down there so we can have a somewhat usable living space when its so darn hot like this. It has to be at least 30* cooler down there. Would be nice to just go down there to hang out and watch tv or something. So we'll see how things come together.
I also need to get things together for a yard sale. Maybe if I can find enough stuff, and get rid of good stuff, I'll have enough to do some kind of mini vacation or work on the basement....
Friday, May 27, 2011
I made it. First year down, many more to go. It was fun. I hope I have everything done that needed done. If not, I told someone to call me.
We also had a close call with the Reading Tree books. I ordered them a month ago, and they still weren't here. So I had no books to hand out at the awards assembly this morning. I check the status of the order online, and it says its been shipped and is on a truck for delivery. They showed up at 1:30. That worked out. There are 2 books back ordered, but at least the majority of them are handed out.
Now its on to summer. I still need to get some classes in. I haven't decided where to take them. I emailed Stark State but havent heard back. :( I think that will be my best bet.
Other than that, I dont think we have any plans. Relax, have some fun, maybe take some pictures...
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I'm so tired of all the rain. The kids havent had any time to play outside. Somehow we've been lucky to have recess outside, but then the rain returns, and we're stuck inside all evening. Games and practices have been cancelled, and one game we played half of in the rain. It was not fun. To add to it, its cold again now. It didnt make it out of the 40s yesterday (after being in the 80s the previous few days) and only in the 50s today. Brrrrrr.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
We spent the rest of the day with my mom and family...a nice relaxing day doing not much of anything at all.
I love my girls...being a mom is the best thing I ever decided to do. My girls are the greatest, and I'm super proud of the young ladies they're becomming.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Still checking in to the schooling. Not sure I'm going to be able to do it all this summer. But I'll get there.
Also working on healthier eating...trying to make better choices for the family. They're not always receptive, but they wont starve, lol.
And the best news---3 weeks (15 days) of school left. And yes, I'm counting!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Up until the last few months, I've felt like I've been on the longest roller coaster ride of my life. But a couple months ago, I sat down and did some soul searching, and have gotten off that ride! Dont get me wrong, life is still a struggle. But at least now I'm enjoying it. I'm doing what's right for me and the girls. We're happy. We're not walking on eggshells. I hope we're having some fun.
I'm in a better place.
Now that emotions are better in check, I need to get the rest of the pieces in place. I had a talk with my principal last week, and without coming right out and saying it, she strongly encouraged me to see what it would take to get my license reinstated. And once I do, let our curriculum director know because they hire Title teachers in August. Hmmmm.... So I did check into it, and I need 12 credits, and then I need to fill out an application. I'm going to have to do it online, and so far I've checked with U of A to see if they offer that. I'm still waiting for an answer. The last thing I really want to do is take classes, but I cant continue to stay where I'm at. I just cant provide for my family. So we'll see what happens.
I feel things are looking up!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Its been so nice the last week. It sounds like we're in for some colder wetter weather again now... possibly even some snow. :( I'm ready for it to just stay nice now!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I'm into week 4 of weight loss/healthier eating. So far I'm down 14lbs. I'll take it. I'm really excited to get this going, finally. I have lots of motivation this time...and one thing in particular. :) The only thing I'm having trouble with is getting C25K started. I wanted to start yesterday, and 6:00 am is the best time for me to fit it in, but I just couldnt get myself out of bed. I'm having trouble sleeping the last couple weeks, and I just cant seem to get up with any energy at all. Then I had to drive carpool last night, ended up with a headache, so I just never got on the treadmill. I need to force myself. Its something I really want to do, but getting started is just not fun, lol.
Maybe I need to post a picture somewhere of why I want to do all this...
Saturday, March 12, 2011
...going out for the evening.
...taking a good friend out to celebrate his birthday after a very long week.
...texting with my chicklets so they know I love them and am thinking about them.
...learning a lot from a book I'm reading.
...living in the moment.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
So why all the personal drama over the weekend? Because its what he represents that I miss. I miss the affection. I miss being close with someone. I miss having someone to lean on, to take care of, just to talk to. I'm missing something in my life. (The thing is, its been missing for much longer than I've been separated.)
It feels like a weight has been lifted. I feel like my head has cleared some. I feel a little more at peace. Maybe I can better accept a few things that have happened lately and just be thankful.
I'm on the right path.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Dh was here last night for over 2 hours. Most of that time we spent talking with me. I have no clue whats up. Things have been less stressful family wise since he moved out. I yell at the girls sometimes (which I really need to stop), but its not like it was when we were all together. But there have been low points too. So last night during our chat, it came up as to whether or not we are fixable. Now? After 10 months apart? And him having a g/f for the last 7 or so? Really? He thinks I want to try to work things out. I dont know if I do or not. Its easier to talk to him now, he's nicer when he's here (most of the time), but what if we would try to work it out....would we just fall back into the same old bad habits and end up where we are now anyway? I do want him to be happy. What if what he has with his gf will make him happy? If we try again and dont work, then he doesnt have me or her. I told him even if I did want to work things out, I wouldnt say anything. I feel that he's obviously moved on. Why should I ruin that? Part of me feel that 16 years was a waste. Thats a LONG time to waste in the big picture of life. I mean, I got my girls out of it, and I wouldnt trade that for the world, but still... Is it worth trying to fix? I just dont know what to do. In my heart, I really dont think we can be fixed, but should it be a priority to try? Like I dont have enough stress....
And then there's my mom. They told her on Thursday she'd be in 4-5 more days. Then Friday they walked in and said "see ya". So she's at aunt Jackie's. I havent gotten the whole story yet, but it sounded like they wanted her to go into nursing care somewhere for awhile first, but no one arranged it so she came home. I'm going to see her after lunch. Dr Martin is great, but the after care there isn't all that great, and it seems like no one talks to each other about what the plan is. They always say one things as to when she's being released, then walk in one day and say "you're going home today". It would be nice if we had time to make a plan! But she's home anyway, and a home health nurse is coming in once a day. All I say is she better not get sick from them letting her go too soon, or to a place she's not ready to be!
And to top it off, they rejected my taxes. Ugh!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Alexis and I went to town to get groceries. We got there with no trouble, then went to the BMV to pick up a paper to get Mom's license plates. Then the trouble started. We tried to get home. Every road heading south, east or west was closed. We drove around for 30 minutes, turning around, trying other ways....before we finally got out of town. The road to Holmesville is closed. The road in front of the other Walmart is flooded. Things are just a mess.
Mom is still doing good. Her scope is tomorrow. The girls and I are going down Wednesday after school for her b-day. We wont be able to stay long, but I'd really like to see her on her b-day, and I think she'll like to see the girls. We picked up a couple mylar balloons today to take along too. And Chad will be there.
In other good news, I decided last week to really work on this stupid weight loss. I can come up with excuse after excuse and keep putting it off or saying I'll start next week or after this or that. Well, it never comes. So, its time. For real. For good. Even with spending a night in Columbus last week, eating out several times, going back to Columbus 3 other times, I still lost 7 lbs. If I pay attention to what and more importantly, how much I eat, I can do this. I know its unreasonable to expect to keep up that pace, but I'm hoping for good numbers at least for awhile to keep the motivation up. I also want to get my treadmill back from the other house so I can start C25K again. I have that desire to run. (What is wrong with me and where is that coming from???)
Friday, February 25, 2011
Today she is off oxygen, and they took the NG tube out, which I'm sure she's thrilled about. They also put an IV in her arm, and when they're sure its doing its job, they'll take the central line out of her neck. I think she goes in next Tuesday to do the bladder scope and possibly place a stent. I thought if they did that then they'd take the kidney drain out, but Chad doesnt know if thats right or not. So we'll see. I'm going back down tomorrow.
Today was yet another snow day. I am soooo sick of snow! Really, enough is enough. The girls were awful today. They fight, back talk, wont do the few chores they have, etc. It has worn on me to the point that I broke down after they left with their dad. I think all the stress of Mom, them, taking care of things here, etc...it was just too much. I really need to sit them down and explain a few things to them. I cant keep going like this. My friend told me this week his best friend had a heart attack Sunday night. He's only a year older than me. Thats scary. Thankfully it was a mild one, but they're saying stress was a factor. Great. One more thing to worry about.
I want to be happy. I want to be a better mom to my kids. I dont know how to change things. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Then I got another call at 6 this morning. When I answered, the first thing she said was, "Oh, it is you". Like she didnt expect it to be me that answered. I asked her if she was ok, and she said she just wanted to make sure she was in the James. I told her yes, she had moved from ICU to her room last night. It seemed like she thought they moved her somewhere and we werent going to be able to find her. I asked her if she wanted me to come down, and she said no, but seemed relieved when I told her Chad was going down today.
So Chad gets there just in time to find them putting her on a guerney for more surgery. The doc called me because he didnt feel she was coherent enough to consent to the surgery. She needed a tube put in to drain her kidney because they think she has a leak in her urinary tract. They put a tube in her throat during surgery, and had a hard time with that. So when she came out, they left it in (in case of an emergency) and put her back in ICU. If her vitals are stable overnight, they'll take the tube out and take her to a room tomorrow morning.
To top it all off, I'm stuck here at home. After being 60+ degrees on Friday, it snowed like a blizzard here this afternoon. I cant imagine there will even be school tomorrow, but if there is, I have a sub lined up so I can head to Columbus. As soon as the roads are clear enough tomorrow, I'm heading down. I'm not sure if I'll come home tomorrow, or wait til Wednesday. I just hate being so far away.
To make today even stranger, I got a prank call this morning at 6 as well. Some guy random dialed me looking for some "phone fun". Geesh, I'm almost 40 years old. I just kept thinking, if he knew who he called, he'd hang up awfully quick, lol. Instead he called at least 50 times. I didnt give him what he was looking for, and didnt answer all the calls, but I thought it was a bit funny.
Definitely hoping for a better tomorrow all around.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Mom had surgery Friday. It was a long day. We got to the hospital at 5:30, went up to pre-op just after 6, and Mom went into surgery at 7:30. She went to recovery at 3:30. But...things weren't quite as they planned. The mass was not on her liver. It was beside it. And they dont think it was cancerous. Apparantly the top of her colon had a leak, and it formed this mass. So they removed it, sewed up the hole, and somehow connected part of her colon to her stomach, so her stomach drains in two places now. I guess she has a stent in her stomach (?) that will have to be removed in a few weeks. Not sure on those details though. I just dont know a whole lot yet. Today she was sitting in the chair a lot of the time I was there, but slept a lot too. They said they have her ICU discharge papers, and as soon as a bed was available, they'd move her to the James. Chad is going down tomorrow. I told him to ask a lot of questions. Hopefully they'll know more since we're back to weekdays. No one knows anything on weekends.
I think I'm letting something bother me more than I think it is. I had a dream last night, and it wasnt something I even want to be thinking about. And I didnt know it was really getting to me that much. But if its not, then why am I dreaming things like that? I dont think its really whats there thats bothering me, its reminding me what I dont have that is.
Monday, February 14, 2011
We had Ali and Maddy's birthday party yesterday. After several phone calls, some of the people decided not to come because Maddy was running a fever of 103*. Ugh! But some still came. Maddy didnt move from the chair in the family room, except to open her gifts. :) The rest of the time she stayed there covered up resting.
I decided to take her temperature before bed in case she needed more medicine, and her fever was 104.4! So I called Mom, and she said to take her to the ER. So off we went. Thankfully we got right in, and were only gone maybe 1 1/2 hours, but it ends up she has an ear infection. I think it started 2 weeks ago when she was sick over the snow days. But she stopped complaining, and even still says her ears dont hurt. So she is now on 10 days of antibiotics. One of the funniest things about going last night was when the nurse came in with 2 small cups of medicine. To say Maddy is horrible about taking medicine is an understatement. So she gives her the first cup and gets her a popcicle. She sips. Gags. Threatens to have to give her more if she pukes. Then tells her if she doesnt drink the meds, she'll have to give her a shot. Maddy takes another sip, then looks at the nurse and says, "I'll take the shot.". I thought I was going to die laughing, and I thought the nurse was going to fall off her stool. No shot, but she eventually drank the meds (20 minutes later!). I just hope this makes her better now.
So I took my first whole sick day to stay home with her today. I'm afraid to go back tomorrow. My sub called 3 times before lunch! Its the one 2 other librarians complained about at our meeting on Friday. Ugh! I think Maddy will stay home again tomorrow, but Aunt Jackie is coming to stay with her. I dont have any classes tomorrow, just the intervention, so its dumb to get a sub, but its my short day and I might get out a bit early.
Oh the joys of parenting. They just never end. :)
Friday, February 11, 2011
Maddy is sick again. She's running a fever tonight, and asked to go to bed at 5:30! She made it til about 6:45, but has been sound asleep since then. Poor kid! I hope she gets up feeling better tomorrow. I'm having hers and Ali's b-day party here Sunday. I'm going to be disinfecting everything tomorrow. I'm tired of us being sick. We rarely get sick, so this is really dragging us down! (At least Maddy is waiting til no-school days to get sick!)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I love her dearly!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
So, I'm ready for spring any time. Please be right Mr. Groundhog. My sanity is depending on it this year.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The good thing to having a snow day today---Maddy is sick. She woke up and threw up. At least she (and I) doesnt have to miss a day of school for it. I hope she feels better if we go back tomorrow. I feel so bad when my kiddos are sick.
And speaking of sick, Mom got the results of her CAT scan on Thursday. They found another spot. :( She also has an enlarged liver, and they think thats a result of her chemo. I think they're going to do a biopsy of that at some point. And, she's also collecting fluid in her abdomen and they dont know why. She had a PET scan yesterday, and will find out the results on Friday. Hopefully by then they'll know whats going on, and if she has to head back to Columbus.
On a brighter note, Pam and I got 2 walls framed and put up for Ali's room on Saturday. It feels good to make that progress. Chris was also working in the bathroom. He didnt get it done, but one more work day and I should have a bathtub. Then to figure out what to do with the shower...
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Can someone please enlighten me? I should post part of the email to see if I'm misunderstanding something. I thought, unless there was overtime involved, that he would be here last night. But "he would let me know" whats going on. No word. No email. No phone call. That just makes me crazy. I know people have things going on...going in to work at 3am, dental work, etc. But really, how hard is it to send just a quick message saying yes or no? I know he's done this to other friends. He'll say he'll meet them somewhere and then not show up. No call or anything. So why did I think it would be different with me? I should know. My luck doesnt go any other way.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I'm a bit depressed. I dont really know what has happened to cause this funk. Starting a bit before Thanksgiving, things started to look up. Life was going well, the job was good, the kids were happy...The hectic fall was over and we could relax a bit. Friends would come over.
But now I'm not sure whats going on. I know I've been vague...I really dont know who reads this (if anyone), but I guess I dont care anymore. I need a place to vent.
I'm not sure why my friend is being distant. Or at least it seems like it. I think I'm a pretty good people reader, so this is driving me crazy. When he's been here, he doesnt seem to want to leave. Is it because he likes the peacefulness of being here over the noise of the city? Is it the company? Is it just not wanting to go back out in the cold? I just dont know anymore. He's never been great about emailing...but it had gotten to be about once a week. Now its backed off again. Maybe I just dont have a clue about people...
All I really want to know is if there's any chance at all that we might date and see if there's anything here. If not, then I can move forward. But, I dont want to do anything else until I know for sure. I feel like I've waited for this chance for 21 years, so I cant let it pass again without knowing for sure. I just cant. I cant live with the "what ifs" anymore. But I'm a chicken. I cant come out and ask. And I'm not forward enough to "make a move", lol. I've invited him over, he's come. I thought we had a nice time...I even gave him an out when he showed up not feeling too well, and he ended up staying til almost 10pm. So why cant I read this? My patience is not good right now. I keep telling myself, I'm still legally married, if only on paper. (Hasn't stopped Mike from moving on...) I have 4 kids that come along with me. Thats a huge thing to ask someone to consider. (Of course, he keeps telling me the next time he comes he'd like the girls to be here so he can bring music and videos/movies to share with them. Another sign I seem to be misreading.) So what gives? I could be a lot more patient if I knew there was a chance. I can wait knowing there's going to be a "next time". But it doesnt seem to be happening like it started to unfold. And it bothers me a little more each day.
I also worry about things like whether the girls would want to ever go live with their dad. I just dont know what goes on in their heads. I'm almost positive Maddy wouldnt. She's my girl through and through. She had the chance to stay there last night, but asked if she please could come home. But what about the other girls? I dont know what I'd do w/o them. I love them dearly, and they really are my life right now. So its just something else that nags at me.
But since I'm a positive optimistic person, I'm going to finish with something happier. A friend came down for lunch today, and we wandered through the house looking for projects we can work on for little money. (Lord knows there's plenty of things that need done!) We're starting in the big bathroom. I NEED that shower done so I can fix mine. Its just becomming too much sharing my little shower. So we looked at what needs done, what I can do, what she can help me with, and what her husband can to (plumbing, electric). I cant wait to get started on that. (Even if the rest of the bathroom has to wait, at least we'll have a second functioning shower.)
The next project will be Ali's bedroom. I have the 2x4s to frame most of it. Her husband can come run wire to put in outlets and a ceiling light. Then it will have to wait til I can get the rest of the materials...but if I can slowly get a few things here and there, maybe she can have a room sooner rather than later. I'm so excited things are moving in the right direction here.
Only 2 1/2 months til spring. :)
Saturday, January 15, 2011
I went to get groceries tonight, and on my way home I started thinking more. (WAY too much time for that this weekend, lol.) I was thinking about my friends. If someone asked me who my best friend is, I'm not sure I have an answer. I have many friends, and even people I consider good friends, but as far as a best friend...I just dont know. And I think thats sad.
On a better note, I'm still moving ahead with my life transformation. I now have a fridge full of healthy foods. I think its going to help so much having the exercise group for support. Its hard to do it alone, but guilt is a powerful thing, lol.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Now I know why God "held" my paycheck til today... I'm going to need it. I also got another paycheck today (for tomorrow), and its the one from the 5 days of Christmas break. That hurts a LOT! That entire check is going to pay the down payment for my house insurance. Ugh!
I still have the septic bill to pay. I might just have to make payments. I'm SO glad the gas and electric bills are paid ahead. I'm still going to pay something on them, but it cant be a lot. How long can I keep doing this? When is reality going to kick me in the head and say "wake up...what are you doing with your life?". Ugh! If it wasn't for the missing pay over Christmas break, I wouldnt feel so bad. But still...I cant keep going this way. I have to figure out something else.
My hope is Mike either gets the job he interviews for so he can pay a bit more child support, or his SSD goes through so we get something from that. I dont need a lot, just enough to not have to worry about things so much.
I love my job. I love how close it is. I love that I'm with the girls, that I work the same days they go to school, that I still feel involved. I really dont want to give that up. But I'm not sure what else I can do....
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Of course, it would help if I'd ever get my paycheck! I still havent gotten the one from Christmas break. I'm doing ok with money, and payday is Friday, but I'd like to get the bills paid. I guess this is a lesson in how far you can really stretch a dollar!
Then there's always the other situation. :) Its such a rollercoaster ride. A lot of days I feel good about things, and then other days there's a huge cloud of doubt hanging over me. Honestly, I'm not really fretting about it. (Its not causing me stress like it might have once up on a time...) What will be will be. I'd just like to know if there's a chance. Is it worth the time and effort? There were things said in the past that keep me hopeful...but a lot of time has passed. Things change.
Its funny how different things are now. I know what it used to feel like, the excitement, the anticipation... Its not the same now. Not that I dont look forward to things, thats not it at all. But its a deeper feeling, a sense of fulfillment... completeness. Its comfortable. Easy.
Patience. Not my strongest suit. ;) Time. I have lots of it. Guess I'll just have to use both the best way I can.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
I also went to my first exercise class with the church group. I didnt expect it to be quite that involved. My legs are going to pay for it tomorrow. It feels GOOD! I'd like to get some light wrist weights to wear while we do it so I can tone my arms a bit more. But overall, I'm looking forward to going back and seeing some progress! (I also heard talk of a 5K walk the first weekend in February. I wouldnt mind doing that with them. I'd eventually like to run one.)
So overall I'm happy with my first day of my life transformation.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Right now I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with life. I feel like I've been doing ok for us, but now I get a bill from the septic people for doing nothing (that I know of---but yet my septic is still uncovered), and I'm facing either a new system or major work on this one. How in the world am I going to be able to pay for that? January is going to be a tough month. My paycheck from Friday will be missing 2 days pay for snow days. The next one in 2 weeks will only be for 5 days. So things are going to be tight. I'm soooooo thankful for the photo sessions I had this fall. They helped a ton with Christmas. I think I really have to sit down and consider that as a more serious money making opportunity for me. I already have a camera, backdrops/stand, etc. I just need to practice and advertise more. It could make the difference if having to look for a different "permanent" job, and being able to keep my job at the school.
Of course there's the "typical" get healthier/lose weight resolution... I'm not going to say thats mine. I want a whole new lifestyle. I'm not going to say, "I want to eat better. I want to lose weight. I want to exercise." For this year I'm going to say, "I'm going to eat better. I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to exercise." I'm doing it for me. But not just for me---I want to be a better mom. No, wait...I'm going to be a better mom. I cant afford to do a lot of things with the girls, such as movies or amusement parks, etc. But I can afford to take them hiking or biking or swimming, etc. But I want/need to be comfortable doing that. I also want to start doing more family things in the evenings...like playing games or just hanging out together. I want to have a family meeting tomorrow when all guests are gone and its just us here again. I want less fighting. Less yelling. Less arguing. Less stress.
***And there will be less computer time for all!***
Then there's another issue... I really want to save enough money to file the dissolution papers. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of having that tie still there. I'd like to move on. (There's more to this part of the story, but I'm just not sure how to say it on here...)
So I have a lot of things I want to change. I know its not going to be easy, and its not going to happen over night, but I have to get the kids on board too.