Zzzzz

I'm so tired.

The weigh in wasn't so bad..a gain, but just .8. Then today I was down 1.2, so I'll be happy about that. Another thing to be happy about is when I went to buy new jeans last night, I got a smaller size! And I didnt have to squeeze into them, lol. Even after washing and drying them last night, they fit great. Keeps the motivation going.

On the downside, I'm so tired. I'm also feeling a bit of a cold coming on. Between that, the stress of the last couple weeks, working then subbing this week....I need some sleep.

Mom is back in the hospital for a couple days. They're starting her back on her TPN (IV feed) and want to make sure she does ok with it before they send her home. I went in to see her this evening and saw the most beautiful rainbow out her window. Hope thats a sign of good things to come.

Sigh...

It took me almost a week to post the last post. Gotta love technology. I still dont have a computer. We had no internet at home for 4 days. I had no computer at school for a week. (Thanks tech guy for making it a priority to let me log on the computer at school!) We're now back online at home, and even wireless as of tonight. (I'm so behind on blogs and everything else!)

Things in the healthy eating area have not been good. I'm expecting a gain tomorrow. I wont be surprised if its significant even. Not only have I not been eating well, its also TOM. Add up the stress of the last 2 weeks and it cant come out to anything good. I will accept it and move on.

I'm skipping the football game this Friday. As much as I love going, I just feel like I need Friday off. Its supposed to rain, its supposed to be cold, and its away, so I have to pay full price for us all. Instead, I'm letting all the girls have friends come over to stay. Maybe I'd be smarter to go to the game, lol.

On Saturday the little girls have soccer. Their friends are also in soccer, so they'll go home with their parents after thats over. My friend is supposed to come down so I can show him the church where the wedding will be that we're going to photograph in a couple weeks. Then Saturday night is band-a-rama. I haven't been to that in a long time.

I'm really tired. I'm feeling an early bedtime again tonight. I was asleep by 9:30 last night. I just need things to settle down a bit. Wont be tomorrow, I'm subbing then and Friday this week. Looking forward to seeing the extra money on the paycheck for sure!

All in a week...

First off, with everything crazy going on, I managed to lose this week. I'm not exactly sure how much, but I think about 1.8 lbs maybe??? At any rate, I know it was a loss.

(I had this whole entry typed and then lost my internet connection. :( )

Anyway, I went to school last Monday morning, and after 45 minutes I got called to the office. My aunt was standing there crying. I knew something was up with my mom. They had taken her to the hospital in the squad. Her home health aid had come and found her lethargic and not really responsive. So they took her in. When I got the the ER, she was talking and stuff, but really tired. Her BP was really low. They diagnosed her with pancreatitis. They also found her to be anemic, and she had a UTI. She was in until Thursday afternoon. Friday night she went to the football game to watch the girls march. She stayed through halftime.

My grandpa also went in the hospital last week. He was in from Tuesday til Friday with pneumonia.

>:(

I. am. pissed. off.

Today is not off to a good start. I've really been trying...really. And I'm making NO progress at all. None. I'm hanging around at the same weight I've been at for weeks. There is no way I've hit a plateau. I just dont know why its not working. I'm tracking food, exercising, and nothing. Its no wonder I always quit. I'm not doing it just to lose weight, I also want to be healthier, but I NEED to lose some weight, and I'm frustrated. And ticked. If you put in the effort, you should see results...even if slow. But none?

Now where did I put those brownies?

Back at it

I indulged a bit over the weekend at the fair, but today is back to the grind. Thankfully it wasn't really all that bad...I had a few french fries and a french waffle last night, but that was it. Saturday was even less fries and part of the funnel cake, so again, not bad. But I want to get back to eating clean again this week. So far today has been good.

I also ran today. I kinda liked doing my own thing. I only followed C25K for 2 weeks, but I dont have the next podcast since my computer died. So today I warmed up with a 5 minute walk, then ran for 2 minutes, walked for 2 minutes, ran for 7 minutes, walked for 3 minutes (was supposed to only be 2, but lost track of time), ran for 4 minutes, cooled down with a 5 minute walk. I did 1.25 miles. I feel like I'm ready to run for longer periods of time, and I did just that today. So I might just keep doing my own thing for awhile. I feel like I can push myself right now. I feel good!

I'm also doing really well staying off the scale. It was really getting discouraging not seeing what I wanted to each day, so I dont step on it until Thursdays. I think I'll be able to stay motivated more if I keep it to one day a week for the time being.

Fun Times

Yesterday I finally had a bit of a chance to relax. I didnt waste the whole day though...I did w2d3 of c25k. This time I did 1.3 miles. Since my computer is in for repairs, I'm not sure what I'm going to do for running now. No one had itunes on their computer here, and I dont really want to put it on their computers for only a short time, so I dont have the next podcast on my ipod. I'm really thinking about just doing my own thing, at least once. I'd like to see how long I can jog without stopping. Once I got past the initial 90 second run this week, it seemed like I could have easily gone a bit longer...not sure how much, but I think it would be interesting to know. Then I could decide what to do from there.

Last night was the football game. Olivia is liking the chance to run around with her friends. We won, 30-0.

Today was the fair. We had a lot of fun. Maddy spent most of the time riding the "big kid" rides this year. She couldnt ride the ones that were 48" or above, but that didnt leave many she couldnt ride. She rode the motorcycles in kiddie land, and when she got off she said how boring it was, lol. Guess we're about done with kiddie land. :( I'd like to go back one more time this week. We didnt go through any of the animal barns. We were just too tired.

I did really well eating there. I usually get the chicken fajita---oh so good---but I thought the flatbread was probably a lot of calories. They also offer it as a salad, so I got that instead. It was yummy! I watched them make it so I could see just how much stuff they were putting in it, and it wasnt a lot of ranch, so that was good. I really think overall it was a pretty healthy choice. Then we all shared a funnel cake. I only had a few bites. It was a good time.

On and on and on...

So it continues. Last night my aunt called to tell me my mom had passed out a couple times yesterday. They had someone come look at her (vitals and such) and her BP was really low. They thought she should go in to be seen, but she had an appointment this morning, so she stayed home. Her dr said to push fluids and food and make sure she got lots of rest. I took her to the dr today and she ended up with a bag of IV fluids there. Then we had to go to the hospital for IV potassium. She's still there, but should be getting done within the next 30 minutes or so. I really hope this helps, because her BP was still pretty low when she left the dr office. I'm not supposed to be worrying about my mom yet!

Today is weigh in day. I lost a little over a pound. I hadn't been keeping track of the decimal part of the change, but I think I'll start. I'm only .2 away from the next pound down. :)

I started working out on the total gym tonight. I hate that my whole body isn't at the same place, so some things are really hard at the incline I have it set at. But I dont think I should put it down any lower. So I guess I have to work up to it being too easy.

Lots to do in the next couple days. Looking forward to the fair on Saturday!

Working hard

If its not one thing, its another. Sigh.......

As if its not bad enough that the van has sucked so much money lately, now my computer is following suit. I'm almost positive it needs a new hard drive. Lovely. I'm hoping its done by the weekend...really hoping! Until then, I'll have to borrow the kiddos.

Tonight we're sitting here relaxing after a day of shopping, and we hear a loud boom, while at the same time the power goes out. We all come running from different directions to see what happened. I thought someone hit a pole, but nothing was out there. The neighbor was outside looking at the pole between our houses, and said there was a dead squirrel on the ground. Seems he was messing where he wasn't supposed to be (the squirrel, not the neighbor) and tripped the transformer. Thankfully it was back on in a couple hours. (Sure makes you realize how much earlier its getting dark these days.)

I'm starting to write down what I eat now. I'm still thinking I might be a bit low on calories, so I want to track for awhile. But I still cant find my kitchen scale. I almost bought one at Walmart today, but decided to wait. I have no idea what happened to mine when we moved. I also bought the wrong kind of sausage links for breakfast. Sigh...

With all the negatives from today, I'll end with a positive. My aunt got the girls some new clothes at Kohls today. They got some cute stuff. Cant wait til its me buying cute new stuff!

Running

Yesterday started week 2 of C25K. After the first 2 sets, I felt like quitting. Its not really that I'm tired, or that its awful, it just sucks. :) In my mind I keep telling myself that if I quit, I wont be any closer to my goal...that things will never get better. So I keep plugging along.
I must admit that there is one good thing to getting up early to run. Its dark. I dont turn on the lights when I run, just the tv. So I cant see the timer on the treadmill. I kinda keep track in my head about which number run I'm on, but I cant see the actual time. Yesterday I ran later in the day, so everything was right there for me to watch. I think I will take someone else's advice and cover the timer so I cant see it.

I'm also a bit frustrated. This is going in to week 5 (I think), and while I'm really trying hard, I'm not seeing results. I lost a lot the first week (typical), but since week 2, I'm just kind of sitting in the same place. Maybe I'm not putting enough into it. I just started exercising last week, so I was hoping for something to change, but I guess I need to give it time. I know I need to add something with weights too, but I havent yet. (I also cant find my kitchen scale. It has to be in the basement somewhere still packed up, but it must be in the box with my mini food processor, because I cant find that either.)

I've been spending too much time reading other blogs :), but it has given me a bit of inspiration. While I'm hoping to pick up more subbing days on the 2 days I have off a week, if I dont, I need to do something productive. I think I'm going to get my bike out and start riding on some of those days. I cant always just run or do the same things...I'll get bored (and I know it will happen fast for me)... so maybe I just need a ride on the trail.

As for today...tonight is the town homecoming. The kids are eating at their dad's first, so I wont be eating there either. I'm meeting up with friends later, and might have some homemade icecream, but thats all I'm planning. Should be a fun evening. (Now if the heat would just break before then!)

Good Day

I wasn't sure what my exercise was going to be today. I really needed to go to the bank, but my car was being worked on. So I decided to walk to town. Its just about a mile to the bank, so 2 miles total. The bad thing: the whole walk back is uphill. The walk to town wasn't bad. The only thing I dont like is the first half of the trip there is no sidewalk. People drive crazy on this road. I was going to stop to check on my mom while I was in town, and saw that she was home when I went to the bank, but by the time I finished at the bank, she was gone. So I just came home. That was a workout! By then the sun had come out, I was completely dressed in black (what was I thinking?), and was sweating bullets by the time I got home. Felt good though. I should do that more often.

Food was pretty good again today. I did have a candy bar today, which is really not normal for me at all. (I bought them for some kids at school that helped me out, but didnt see them yesterday to give them the candy. I better hide the rest!) Oh, and I might change my weigh in days to Thursdays. I think I need that extra day to recover from the weekend, not that I do really bad, but with family dinners on Sundays, it will help. I was back to the lowest today, so its all down from here. :)

I just feel really good that I got a workout in today. I've been doing nothing on my non running days. I have the ipod all loaded for week 2 tomorrow. The good thing is, if I dont get a call to sub, I dont have to get up early to do it. I can wait til the kids leave for school!

Weigh in Day

So I'm up a couple pounds from my lowest. This is the first week I'm weighing on Wednesdays (officially), so I'm not really surprised.

I got up early again this morning to run. I hope someday I can be a morning person again. Its just so hard. But, its done.

Today:
W1D3: 1.33 miles.

I'm getting ready to download the music for week 2 so I have no excuses to keep going.

I had a good day with food today. I've seen some blogs where people take pics of everything they eat to keep them accountable. I'm considering it, but I'm not sure I have that dedication. Would make the blog more interesting though, lol.

Today was a busy day at school. I dont have kids in the library, but I picked up more intervention times, so I was on the go almost all day. I really should get a pedometer (or at least find the cheap one I have around here somewhere). Might be interesting to track that for awhile.

No work tomorrow (so far), so I think I might try to do some weights. I seriously feel I need to add that back in.

No Title Comes to Mind

I didnt get up early today. Not because I felt like being lazy, but because I'm not sure what I'm going to do on my non-running days. I need to check out the videos I have, or get the total gym out and see if I can put together some kind of routine. I think thats the best choice. I need some weight training in my routine.

I also havent looked for a dress/outfit for the Christmas challenge. I just keep forgetting. I keep thinking I need to find one, print it out, and tape it to the treadmill. :) Maybe that will keep me motivated.

I also need to post my distances so I can keep track. I'd like to see how my pace is varying from run to run.

W1D1 - 1.3 miles
W1D2 - 1.27 miles

Pretty consistent so far. I hope tomorrow will be just a little more. My legs felt kinda heavy today though (I mean--they are, lol, but they felt muscle tired heavy today). :)

On the plus side---I remembered to turn on the crock pot this morning.

Change is a good thing!

I got up this morning at 5:50...that would be 5:50 in the morning...as in the hour that comes before 6---in the morning. And what did I do with that time??? I got on the treadmill and did day 2 of C25K. Who is this person?

I did day one on Saturday and felt pretty good during and after. Today, not as much. I struggled just a bit as I was running today, and seriously thought about quitting early...but thats not going to get me results. So I stuck it out and finished.

I would like to think I can keep getting up at 5:50 to workout before I go to work. I used to be a morning person, but not so much anymore. Six a.m. is not my idea of a good hour to wake up. So we'll see how long I can keep doing it. (I felt I didnt have a choice today...I had to work and then have a meeting tonight at 7, so I didnt think I'd have any other time to do day 2 today.)

Food has been going today, besides the fact I forgot to turn on the crock pot when I left for work this morning. Ugh! Thats the second time I've done that. Sigh.... Guess I'll have to start putting a note on the door.

Still plugging, still struggling

I was reading some blogs this morning and came across one that piqued my interest. She's putting together a Christmas dress challenge. The idea is simple: pick a dress (or outfit) that is a smaller size than you're wearing now, and do the 14 week challenge to fit in to it by the Christmas festivities. While I would love to sign up for this challenge, I'm not going to this time for a couple reasons. First (and the biggest reason)---she requires you to post your weight. Yep, thats going to stop me from joining on her blog. I'm not ready to reveal that at this point. To anyone. You cant just post your weight change, you have to post the number. If this was an anonymous blog, then maybe...even probably. But since its not....

The second reason is because I have absolutely no clue what size I could realistically be wearing in 14 weeks. (Actually a little longer, as their challenge doesnt start until Sept 11) I know at my size, it takes longer to drop a size that it does when you're smaller. So just one size? Maybe 2? I dont want to go too low and then not make it, even though what I did accomplish might be good.

So, what am I going to do instead? I'm going to join the challenge. Here. Without signing up anywhere. Just me. Doing what I know I need to do. And what is that exactly? A weekly weigh in. I've usually used Friday or something like that, but I think I'm going to pick Wednesday as my weigh in day. Why? Not sure...just seems like a good middle ground. Then I will post actual changes (good or bad) for all the world to see.

I will also exercise at least 3 times a week to start, and add something more each week or 2. I know this is part of what I'm lacking. I hate to run, but for some reason, I'm still drawn to running. I want to do it. Maybe its just to prove something to myself. Maybe its because I really want to do a Race for the Cure (and not walk). I dont know, but I want to start again.

I will also count calories. I'm going to aim for 1200 a day. I know its a little low, so I'm going to give myself a bit of slack to change it up from day to day. What I'm really shooting for is a range of 1200 - 1500 per day. Along the same lines, I need to find some good nutritional information. I'd like to find some kind of eating plan.

So how am I going to accomplish all this? As soon as I'm done with this post, I'm going to go put on some workout clothes and do day one of C25K. Its already loaded on the ipod. Its going to suck big time. :) But I'm going to do it. I'm going to go down and see if I can find my kitchen scale that is still packed up in the basement somewhere. Its a necessity if I'm going to count calories. I need to invest in a new pair of shoes. Mine are really wearing out, and my feet hurt by the end of the day, so I know they're not going to give me the support I need to run. (This will have to wait a bit, as my financial situation is struggling more than my weight at the moment.) I'm going to set up the Total gym to get some weight training in. And I'm going to write down everything I eat so I can be accountable. Oh, and water...I'm already drinking a minimum of 80 oz a day. I'll keep that up at minimum.

Let see where I can be by Christmas.

What to say

I feel like I should write more often, but I sit down and dont feel like I have anything to say.

I didnt do any of the goals I set for last week. No exercise. No kitchen scale. Way to stay accountable....

School started Monday. Can I just say this has been a downright awful week, and when it rains it pours doesnt even do it justice.
I went out Monday morning to go to school, and the van tire was flat. It wasn't that I ran over something, it was that my tires were just that bad. So, I ended up with 4 new tires this week. Can you say ouch?! I dont get paid for 2 more weeks, and since summer is over and I didnt get paid all summer...that hurt. Thank goodness for credit cards, even though I hate hate hate to use mine. At least it gives me the option to make payments.
After the tires, I also had to have a new oxygen sensor put on. Another $100 down the drain. All I can say is I'm thankful my ex and I are still friendly, because he put it on for me so I dont have to take it somewhere to have it done. And lastly (I hope) with the van---it needs a new power steering pump. Its been a frustrating week for sure.

And while the van has caused all that stress, school has been no piece of cake either. They told me when they moved the bookshelves that they would take the books off and put them back on just how they took them off. I never looked that close when I went in last week, but this week I realized they're all out of order. It was a mess! On Monday I had the 5th and 6th graders help me move the books. One word---nightmare. It just made things worse. So I spent the entire day yesterday putting books in order. I have one set of shelves left to do.

The kids are also pushing the buttons. They will not shut up. I cant believe how disrespectful kids have become. I'm trying really hard to make sure my kids are not that way. I think its working, as when I had Maddy's class in the library, she was pretty good and didnt really sit with many of the other girls. She has a class of talkers, and they're also pretty catty already... making mean faces at each other and saying mean things. Its awful. So they'll have assigned seats when they come in next week. Sad I cant even give the older kids the option to sit where they want.

Yes, the stress has added up.

I had today off. I needed it sooooo bad. I got the house cleaned up and even took a little nap. I have just been exhausted trying to get back into a routine. I hate hate hate 6am. I know I shouldnt complain, because I know there are many people who get up a lot earlier than that, but my body clock just does not like that hour. Plus, I cant go to sleep at 10---I'm just not ready. So I'm struggling to get the sleep I need. Which doesnt help my mood...

Tomorrow I'm subbing kindergarten. Not sure if this is good, or if I'm crazy. I love that I have the opportunity to sub this year to make some extra money, but I also like being in the library because I only have each class for 40 minutes at a time. :) At least tomorrow night is the first football game!

There is one bright ray in all of this... I'm finding there are still some wonderful people out there. I dont really want to elaborate at this point, but it sure is nice to know there are some good people in the world.

Oh, and only 1 more pound lost since the last time I posted. Sigh...

Sigh........

I now stand at 12 lbs lost. Things have really slowed down, even though I'm not really doing anything different. Maybe thats the problem...I'm not doing anything different.

My timing is not going to be the best on this, but my goals for starting week 4 (Monday) are these---
1. Exercise
2. Count calories (at least for awhile). I think I need to make sure I'm in the ball park I think I'm in. Over the weekend I need to dig out my kitchen scale and look up some calorie counts on the foods I'm eating frequently. (I read a blog about someone who doesnt count the calories in fruits or veggies...maybe I could do that for veggies, but I think I need to count fruits.)

Now that school starts on Monday, I need to be better again at planning menus and having the stuff on hand. (Another thing I need to do this weekend.) I've been pretty good about it, and our trips to fast food are minimal. I told the girls we're going to try a few things in the next months---like no fast food at all in October. (It wont count if they're with their dad unless there is another option. But there wont be any for me period.) Not only is eating at home a healthier option, it will save money as well. I know its going to take awhile for the girls to get used to not having as much processed food in the house, but I'm hoping if I start now, they'll learn to make better choices than I did growing up.

I understand that all of this is not going to be a quick fix, or overnight success. But I'm in it for the long haul this time. There are things I want to do, and I'm tired of being tired and feeling bad and having no self esteem.

The change is now.

2 Weeks Down

After 2 weeks, I'm down 11 lbs. Only a couple tenths from 12. While I wish it was more, I'm really happy with that. I'm doing it right (and forever) this time. No fads, no pills, no shakes, no "fake" food. Just healthy eating and good choices.

I think that first week of headaches was my body detoxing. I've felt really good the past week. I've been reading some other blogs, and really thought the physical feelings might just be in their minds, but I really can tell a difference. I dont feel as sluggish. I've had minimal sugar in the past 2 weeks, and I really can tell a difference. Makes me want to continue.

My goal for this week is to work in some exercise. I'm having such a hard time just thinking about it. I know it will make things go faster, make look better, and help add to my feeling better. I need the nike slogan---just do it (already!).

I also need to find more healthy options for lunch. Salad is going to get old fast. I'm going to be a bit more limited now that school is starting (ugh!). I start back Friday, and they decided to do something different, and will be feeding us lunch as a district. This is NOT the way I want to spend my entire "welcome back" day. Oh well, at least its just once a year.

Off to make the grocery list.

A new week

Starting week 2 today...9 lbs down! Two thumbs up for a highly successful weekend.

We went to the movie today. I did have some popcorn, but also took my own lunch along too... trail bologna and swiss cheese, and cucumbers. Breakfast was a pineapple-mango smoothie. I'm just not all that fond. The mango leaves an awful after taste for a long time. I think on my smoothie days, I'll stick with berries and bananas.
Dinner was leftover green beans/potatoes/ham and cornbread. I also had a few carrots with a wedge of laughing cow cheese, and tried hummus. Cant say I'm all that fond of that. I might try another kind, but I think laughing cow will be my go-to "veggie dip".

No exercise again today, and a headache pretty much all day.

Day 7

I'm going to have to come up with better titles to these posts. :)

So its been one week, and I'm 8 lbs down. I know it wont keep coming off that fast, but I really need to keep it up. I've been doing really well, and am proud of the things I've passed up (donuts for breakfast for my company, donuts at a church meeting, etc). I did have a couple things that could have done real harm---mainly pizza. It is by far the thing I could eat every day and never get sick of. We had it Friday for dinner, and I had 2 slices. I had one slice for dinner Saturday. But thats it. No going back for more. Saturday evening we also had chocolate fondue made with dark chocolate, with bananas, strawberries and pound cake for dipping. I had a bit (my first sugar of the week), but did not over do it. This whole life changing process will not work for me if I cant indulge a little now and then. Moderation is the key.

Tomorrow my aunt is taking us to the movie. She wants to stop to get candy before we go. I will either A) not eat anything while we're there, because we're going fairly soon after lunch, or B) take some nuts and/or fruit for me. I'm going to really really try to be 100% on eating during the week. (Might be a little hard this week on Tuesday since we'll be visiting family out of town and having at least one meal away from home.)

School starts 2 weeks from tomorrow. While I really need the money, I'm so not ready to go back yet. This summer didnt go at all as I had hoped. :(

And just so I'll have things on record, this was not a good week for my mom either. She started chemo again this week, but also found out they see 2 more spots on her liver. I'm not sure what will happen there. She's in no shape what-so-ever to have surgery. They also found some abnormalities in her bloodwork. She ended up with an EKG, which also showed something abnormal. They think she could have had a couple small heart attacks. Just one more thing she doesnt need!

We need a vacation.

Day 4

Another day down...another good day. I think I might need to log my calories for a few days. I have a feeling I'm not getting quite enough, but maybe I'll be surprised. My day today looked like this:

Water when I woke up
B: Smoothie: 1C ff greek vanilla yogurt w/fresh pineapple and mango (Will do again, but needs tweaked just a bit)

L: Romaine and spinach salad with southwestern grilled chicken, grape tomatoes, sprinkle of 2% cheddar cheese, salsa and sour cream.

Sn: almonds and fresh cherries (mmmmm)

D: Leftovers. A small portion of cream cheese chicken with balsamic rice, turkey on a low carb wrap with a bit of mayo and lettuce

Tons of water and some iced tea sweetened with splenda. (Its a mix of regular and green tea)

Maybe I'll try to do a quick calculation of calories. It will be an estimate, because at this point, I'm not measuring anything (except the yogurt, since it is so calorie dense)

I decided I needed some exercise tonight, so I did Just Dance 2 on the wii. I set out to do 30 minutes, and 60 minutes later I was done. Time just flew by. Thats the kind of exercise I like... fun and fast. :)

Tomorrow I'm hoping to find a farmer's market around here that has something other than the "basics". I'd like to try something new. If I let the kids pick something, they'll be more likely to try it. They're doing pretty good choosing fruit for snacks this week. I'm not making them give up everything processed, but if they can start making better choices and choose the produce more times than the granola bars, I'll be happy.