Weigh in Day

So I'm up a couple pounds from my lowest. This is the first week I'm weighing on Wednesdays (officially), so I'm not really surprised.

I got up early again this morning to run. I hope someday I can be a morning person again. Its just so hard. But, its done.

Today:
W1D3: 1.33 miles.

I'm getting ready to download the music for week 2 so I have no excuses to keep going.

I had a good day with food today. I've seen some blogs where people take pics of everything they eat to keep them accountable. I'm considering it, but I'm not sure I have that dedication. Would make the blog more interesting though, lol.

Today was a busy day at school. I dont have kids in the library, but I picked up more intervention times, so I was on the go almost all day. I really should get a pedometer (or at least find the cheap one I have around here somewhere). Might be interesting to track that for awhile.

No work tomorrow (so far), so I think I might try to do some weights. I seriously feel I need to add that back in.

No Title Comes to Mind

I didnt get up early today. Not because I felt like being lazy, but because I'm not sure what I'm going to do on my non-running days. I need to check out the videos I have, or get the total gym out and see if I can put together some kind of routine. I think thats the best choice. I need some weight training in my routine.

I also havent looked for a dress/outfit for the Christmas challenge. I just keep forgetting. I keep thinking I need to find one, print it out, and tape it to the treadmill. :) Maybe that will keep me motivated.

I also need to post my distances so I can keep track. I'd like to see how my pace is varying from run to run.

W1D1 - 1.3 miles
W1D2 - 1.27 miles

Pretty consistent so far. I hope tomorrow will be just a little more. My legs felt kinda heavy today though (I mean--they are, lol, but they felt muscle tired heavy today). :)

On the plus side---I remembered to turn on the crock pot this morning.

Change is a good thing!

I got up this morning at 5:50...that would be 5:50 in the morning...as in the hour that comes before 6---in the morning. And what did I do with that time??? I got on the treadmill and did day 2 of C25K. Who is this person?

I did day one on Saturday and felt pretty good during and after. Today, not as much. I struggled just a bit as I was running today, and seriously thought about quitting early...but thats not going to get me results. So I stuck it out and finished.

I would like to think I can keep getting up at 5:50 to workout before I go to work. I used to be a morning person, but not so much anymore. Six a.m. is not my idea of a good hour to wake up. So we'll see how long I can keep doing it. (I felt I didnt have a choice today...I had to work and then have a meeting tonight at 7, so I didnt think I'd have any other time to do day 2 today.)

Food has been going today, besides the fact I forgot to turn on the crock pot when I left for work this morning. Ugh! Thats the second time I've done that. Sigh.... Guess I'll have to start putting a note on the door.

Still plugging, still struggling

I was reading some blogs this morning and came across one that piqued my interest. She's putting together a Christmas dress challenge. The idea is simple: pick a dress (or outfit) that is a smaller size than you're wearing now, and do the 14 week challenge to fit in to it by the Christmas festivities. While I would love to sign up for this challenge, I'm not going to this time for a couple reasons. First (and the biggest reason)---she requires you to post your weight. Yep, thats going to stop me from joining on her blog. I'm not ready to reveal that at this point. To anyone. You cant just post your weight change, you have to post the number. If this was an anonymous blog, then maybe...even probably. But since its not....

The second reason is because I have absolutely no clue what size I could realistically be wearing in 14 weeks. (Actually a little longer, as their challenge doesnt start until Sept 11) I know at my size, it takes longer to drop a size that it does when you're smaller. So just one size? Maybe 2? I dont want to go too low and then not make it, even though what I did accomplish might be good.

So, what am I going to do instead? I'm going to join the challenge. Here. Without signing up anywhere. Just me. Doing what I know I need to do. And what is that exactly? A weekly weigh in. I've usually used Friday or something like that, but I think I'm going to pick Wednesday as my weigh in day. Why? Not sure...just seems like a good middle ground. Then I will post actual changes (good or bad) for all the world to see.

I will also exercise at least 3 times a week to start, and add something more each week or 2. I know this is part of what I'm lacking. I hate to run, but for some reason, I'm still drawn to running. I want to do it. Maybe its just to prove something to myself. Maybe its because I really want to do a Race for the Cure (and not walk). I dont know, but I want to start again.

I will also count calories. I'm going to aim for 1200 a day. I know its a little low, so I'm going to give myself a bit of slack to change it up from day to day. What I'm really shooting for is a range of 1200 - 1500 per day. Along the same lines, I need to find some good nutritional information. I'd like to find some kind of eating plan.

So how am I going to accomplish all this? As soon as I'm done with this post, I'm going to go put on some workout clothes and do day one of C25K. Its already loaded on the ipod. Its going to suck big time. :) But I'm going to do it. I'm going to go down and see if I can find my kitchen scale that is still packed up in the basement somewhere. Its a necessity if I'm going to count calories. I need to invest in a new pair of shoes. Mine are really wearing out, and my feet hurt by the end of the day, so I know they're not going to give me the support I need to run. (This will have to wait a bit, as my financial situation is struggling more than my weight at the moment.) I'm going to set up the Total gym to get some weight training in. And I'm going to write down everything I eat so I can be accountable. Oh, and water...I'm already drinking a minimum of 80 oz a day. I'll keep that up at minimum.

Let see where I can be by Christmas.

What to say

I feel like I should write more often, but I sit down and dont feel like I have anything to say.

I didnt do any of the goals I set for last week. No exercise. No kitchen scale. Way to stay accountable....

School started Monday. Can I just say this has been a downright awful week, and when it rains it pours doesnt even do it justice.
I went out Monday morning to go to school, and the van tire was flat. It wasn't that I ran over something, it was that my tires were just that bad. So, I ended up with 4 new tires this week. Can you say ouch?! I dont get paid for 2 more weeks, and since summer is over and I didnt get paid all summer...that hurt. Thank goodness for credit cards, even though I hate hate hate to use mine. At least it gives me the option to make payments.
After the tires, I also had to have a new oxygen sensor put on. Another $100 down the drain. All I can say is I'm thankful my ex and I are still friendly, because he put it on for me so I dont have to take it somewhere to have it done. And lastly (I hope) with the van---it needs a new power steering pump. Its been a frustrating week for sure.

And while the van has caused all that stress, school has been no piece of cake either. They told me when they moved the bookshelves that they would take the books off and put them back on just how they took them off. I never looked that close when I went in last week, but this week I realized they're all out of order. It was a mess! On Monday I had the 5th and 6th graders help me move the books. One word---nightmare. It just made things worse. So I spent the entire day yesterday putting books in order. I have one set of shelves left to do.

The kids are also pushing the buttons. They will not shut up. I cant believe how disrespectful kids have become. I'm trying really hard to make sure my kids are not that way. I think its working, as when I had Maddy's class in the library, she was pretty good and didnt really sit with many of the other girls. She has a class of talkers, and they're also pretty catty already... making mean faces at each other and saying mean things. Its awful. So they'll have assigned seats when they come in next week. Sad I cant even give the older kids the option to sit where they want.

Yes, the stress has added up.

I had today off. I needed it sooooo bad. I got the house cleaned up and even took a little nap. I have just been exhausted trying to get back into a routine. I hate hate hate 6am. I know I shouldnt complain, because I know there are many people who get up a lot earlier than that, but my body clock just does not like that hour. Plus, I cant go to sleep at 10---I'm just not ready. So I'm struggling to get the sleep I need. Which doesnt help my mood...

Tomorrow I'm subbing kindergarten. Not sure if this is good, or if I'm crazy. I love that I have the opportunity to sub this year to make some extra money, but I also like being in the library because I only have each class for 40 minutes at a time. :) At least tomorrow night is the first football game!

There is one bright ray in all of this... I'm finding there are still some wonderful people out there. I dont really want to elaborate at this point, but it sure is nice to know there are some good people in the world.

Oh, and only 1 more pound lost since the last time I posted. Sigh...

Sigh........

I now stand at 12 lbs lost. Things have really slowed down, even though I'm not really doing anything different. Maybe thats the problem...I'm not doing anything different.

My timing is not going to be the best on this, but my goals for starting week 4 (Monday) are these---
1. Exercise
2. Count calories (at least for awhile). I think I need to make sure I'm in the ball park I think I'm in. Over the weekend I need to dig out my kitchen scale and look up some calorie counts on the foods I'm eating frequently. (I read a blog about someone who doesnt count the calories in fruits or veggies...maybe I could do that for veggies, but I think I need to count fruits.)

Now that school starts on Monday, I need to be better again at planning menus and having the stuff on hand. (Another thing I need to do this weekend.) I've been pretty good about it, and our trips to fast food are minimal. I told the girls we're going to try a few things in the next months---like no fast food at all in October. (It wont count if they're with their dad unless there is another option. But there wont be any for me period.) Not only is eating at home a healthier option, it will save money as well. I know its going to take awhile for the girls to get used to not having as much processed food in the house, but I'm hoping if I start now, they'll learn to make better choices than I did growing up.

I understand that all of this is not going to be a quick fix, or overnight success. But I'm in it for the long haul this time. There are things I want to do, and I'm tired of being tired and feeling bad and having no self esteem.

The change is now.

2 Weeks Down

After 2 weeks, I'm down 11 lbs. Only a couple tenths from 12. While I wish it was more, I'm really happy with that. I'm doing it right (and forever) this time. No fads, no pills, no shakes, no "fake" food. Just healthy eating and good choices.

I think that first week of headaches was my body detoxing. I've felt really good the past week. I've been reading some other blogs, and really thought the physical feelings might just be in their minds, but I really can tell a difference. I dont feel as sluggish. I've had minimal sugar in the past 2 weeks, and I really can tell a difference. Makes me want to continue.

My goal for this week is to work in some exercise. I'm having such a hard time just thinking about it. I know it will make things go faster, make look better, and help add to my feeling better. I need the nike slogan---just do it (already!).

I also need to find more healthy options for lunch. Salad is going to get old fast. I'm going to be a bit more limited now that school is starting (ugh!). I start back Friday, and they decided to do something different, and will be feeding us lunch as a district. This is NOT the way I want to spend my entire "welcome back" day. Oh well, at least its just once a year.

Off to make the grocery list.

A new week

Starting week 2 today...9 lbs down! Two thumbs up for a highly successful weekend.

We went to the movie today. I did have some popcorn, but also took my own lunch along too... trail bologna and swiss cheese, and cucumbers. Breakfast was a pineapple-mango smoothie. I'm just not all that fond. The mango leaves an awful after taste for a long time. I think on my smoothie days, I'll stick with berries and bananas.
Dinner was leftover green beans/potatoes/ham and cornbread. I also had a few carrots with a wedge of laughing cow cheese, and tried hummus. Cant say I'm all that fond of that. I might try another kind, but I think laughing cow will be my go-to "veggie dip".

No exercise again today, and a headache pretty much all day.

Day 7

I'm going to have to come up with better titles to these posts. :)

So its been one week, and I'm 8 lbs down. I know it wont keep coming off that fast, but I really need to keep it up. I've been doing really well, and am proud of the things I've passed up (donuts for breakfast for my company, donuts at a church meeting, etc). I did have a couple things that could have done real harm---mainly pizza. It is by far the thing I could eat every day and never get sick of. We had it Friday for dinner, and I had 2 slices. I had one slice for dinner Saturday. But thats it. No going back for more. Saturday evening we also had chocolate fondue made with dark chocolate, with bananas, strawberries and pound cake for dipping. I had a bit (my first sugar of the week), but did not over do it. This whole life changing process will not work for me if I cant indulge a little now and then. Moderation is the key.

Tomorrow my aunt is taking us to the movie. She wants to stop to get candy before we go. I will either A) not eat anything while we're there, because we're going fairly soon after lunch, or B) take some nuts and/or fruit for me. I'm going to really really try to be 100% on eating during the week. (Might be a little hard this week on Tuesday since we'll be visiting family out of town and having at least one meal away from home.)

School starts 2 weeks from tomorrow. While I really need the money, I'm so not ready to go back yet. This summer didnt go at all as I had hoped. :(

And just so I'll have things on record, this was not a good week for my mom either. She started chemo again this week, but also found out they see 2 more spots on her liver. I'm not sure what will happen there. She's in no shape what-so-ever to have surgery. They also found some abnormalities in her bloodwork. She ended up with an EKG, which also showed something abnormal. They think she could have had a couple small heart attacks. Just one more thing she doesnt need!

We need a vacation.

Day 4

Another day down...another good day. I think I might need to log my calories for a few days. I have a feeling I'm not getting quite enough, but maybe I'll be surprised. My day today looked like this:

Water when I woke up
B: Smoothie: 1C ff greek vanilla yogurt w/fresh pineapple and mango (Will do again, but needs tweaked just a bit)

L: Romaine and spinach salad with southwestern grilled chicken, grape tomatoes, sprinkle of 2% cheddar cheese, salsa and sour cream.

Sn: almonds and fresh cherries (mmmmm)

D: Leftovers. A small portion of cream cheese chicken with balsamic rice, turkey on a low carb wrap with a bit of mayo and lettuce

Tons of water and some iced tea sweetened with splenda. (Its a mix of regular and green tea)

Maybe I'll try to do a quick calculation of calories. It will be an estimate, because at this point, I'm not measuring anything (except the yogurt, since it is so calorie dense)

I decided I needed some exercise tonight, so I did Just Dance 2 on the wii. I set out to do 30 minutes, and 60 minutes later I was done. Time just flew by. Thats the kind of exercise I like... fun and fast. :)

Tomorrow I'm hoping to find a farmer's market around here that has something other than the "basics". I'd like to try something new. If I let the kids pick something, they'll be more likely to try it. They're doing pretty good choosing fruit for snacks this week. I'm not making them give up everything processed, but if they can start making better choices and choose the produce more times than the granola bars, I'll be happy.

I know it works

So why do I have such a hard time staying with it? No, I haven't fallen off the wagon, but I have many many times in the past. I know what works. I eat healthy, watch portions, move more--- guess what happens.....I lose weight! Today is day 3, and I've lost 5 lbs already. And I'm not starving. (Well, I was today after I took the girls to the movie, but I didnt quite have all the tools in place yet. I didnt make a bad choice though.)

In my mind I keep wondering, how long until I fall off? Sundays are a downfall for me. I mean, the whole family is together, there is always dessert, and its just a matter of how long my willpower will hold out. The longer I see results, the longer I'll stay motivated. I'm not on a diet, I'm changing my life. So I just need to get into better habits.

Its Time

I'm starting---again. But this time its for good. I'm starting my healthier life tomorrow. I've been reading some things, and I found a blog tonight that really spoke to me.

I have one life to live. Is this really how I want it to be? There are so many things I'd like to do, but dont because my weight holds me back. I'm not comfortable. I'm embarrassed.

I'm tired of living like this.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. I need to go to the grocery store, which is a blessing. My kids are going to rebel. They're going to complain. But they're going to do this too. Fresh fruits and veggies are going to become what they see first when they open the fridge. (They are usually in there, just not out front and prominent.) I'm not buying junk. Maybe occasionally, but not regularly. They're going to have to learn to snack on healthier alternatives.

I'm going to move more. I have the equipment here...treadmill, total gym, elliptical, wii... I'm going to put them to use. I am lazy. I've let that become the norm here. I dont like it. I dont like the way I feel. I dont want to be tired, have headaches, have achy joints. I dont like to be winded running the bases in softball. (And I'm sure I look foolish just doing that!)

So I'm done. I'm done with excuses. I'm done with sitting more than moving. I'm done with making the wrong choices with what I put into my body. I'm done watching. I want to do.

And so I will.

Sigh...

How do you know what to say to a friend who is going through a rough time? I'm so bad at that. I have ideas going through my head, and feel like I have some good suggestions, but I'm not sure they ever come out quite right. Or I'm not sure what I have to say wants to be heard. So I try, and hope I am somewhat successful at helping the situation.

I'm frustrated with a couple things in my life. I'm really trying, but not having a lot of success. The add the heat and humidity this week, and I'm a bit irritable. Must find something fun and cool to do.

Ahhhhh....

I LOVE my bathroom! I still have a few things to finish up in there, but I'm where I wanted to be by the 4th. I was still putting up the towel bars and such the morning before the party. It came down to the last minute.
I still need to sand and paint the vanity, and the cabinet beside the toilet. I'm still debating on whether or not to paint the trim around the window. Its dark brown (weathered, I believe) and kinda matches the shower curtain and such, so I'll see. I'm sure white would crisp it up though.

I started exercising again this week. I just have to keep it up. The girls and I walked on the trail one day, and I even ran a bit. Another day of treadmill, and last night softball. Today I'm going to clean the house (vacuum and mop), and then do a bit of Just Dance on the wii. That sounds like much more fun than the treadmill. :)

Summer seems to be flying by. We're trying to decide on a couple things to do before volley ball and band camp start. The zoo is at the top of the list...probably next week, and then maybe canoeing and/or camping. Then it will have to be evening activities cheap and close to home.

Seeing the Light?

I am going to try really really hard to finish the bathroom tomorrow. Its just been one nightmare after another, but I'm finally to the painting part, and even bought the "accessories" (bath mat, hand towel, towel bar, toilet paper holder, etc) tonight. I have to send a huge thanks to my dad for dealing with the toilet installation nightmare and new exhaust fan nightmare, and to Will for helping me with the beadboard. I'm just afraid to know what I would have done without their help.

On top of finishing the bathroom, I'm trying to get ready for the party Monday. (The rest of the house is seriously suffering.) Looking forward to that as always. Tomorrow is the hotdog roast/hayride/fireworks at the farm. Cant wait for that either. Rumor has it this could be the last year. :(

Still Plugging Along...

I finally started on the bathroom floor today. I've been procrastinating, then when I went to take the toilet out, there was no shut off valve. So Mike came and put one in for me, but in the process, cut the wrong pipe, leaving us with NO toilet in the house that worked. So he came back and fixed that, only for me to find out we had no cold water in the only usable shower today. So thats now fixed. Hopefully by morning, ALL the cold water faucets will be functioning again.

The tiling is going ok. I sure hope it looks ok (and is ok) once I'm done. I think I got the hardest part done today. I even took 2 tiles with me when I took the girls to get their physicals, and stopped by Lowes to have them cut. The rest I can handle. (Thanks to the Hendersons, who have graciously let me borrow their tiling tools.)

Tomorrow morning I'll finish the tile, then Friday morning I can grout. Saturday morning I can put up beadboard (I hope), and reinstall the toilet. I need that bathroom functional by Saturday because my dad, Sis and Eric are coming to stay til Monday. Ahhhhhh.

To top it off, this week is VBS (which has been a blast for the kids), so I'm down there every evening and lose those hours working on the house!

Update and Goals

The house progress is coming along. The accent wall in the entryway is painted (3 times!). I still need to touch up the edging, but I think the rest is done. Now to accessorize.... :)

The front closet is emptied, and some things have been tossed, others in a bag to donate. Everything else is still on the floor in the hallway. (We got a late start today) That will be done tomorrow.

Most of the tile is off the bathroom walls. I still need to do around the sinks. I've also peeled most of the wallpaper off the top part, and wow to the color I found underneath! I dont remember it ever being that color. Hopefully I can make more progress in there tomorrow...

So things are moving along, even though it seems like a slow process.

I was reading another blog, and I decided to try an idea she did on hers----40 things I want to do while I'm 40. (Hers was much easier---she was only 21, lol.) I've tried doing these things before, and I'm really bad at it, so here goes...

1. Reinstate my teaching license (or be well on the way to doing it)
2. Have a yard sale
3. Remodel the main bathroom
4. "Decorate" the house (pictures/art, etc)
5. Finish Ali's room
6. Start jogging
7. Cut back on junk food
8. Learn to use the Smartboard effectively
9. Renew a friendship
10. Go on a date :) (stole this one)
11. Finalize divorce (I guess this one should come before #10, lol)
12. Try Zumba
13. Take more pictures
14. Go see a real movie (not a kid movie)
15. Try a new fruit or vegetable every couple weeks
16. Let someone know I care
17. Go on a mission trip (if offered)
18. Go to Cedar Point
19. Camp out with the girls
20. Be a better housekeeper

Ok, half done. Its taking a long time and a lot of thought, so I'll finish another time. Right now, #20 is calling my name---by way of the laundry.

Plugging Along

The yardsale didnt happen---yet. Still planning one this summer, but I have a few other things to get done first.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. There are so many thing I want (NEED) to get done. I dont know what should take priority. Here are just a few things...

1. Paint the front entryway and hall. (I will do the accent wall tomorrow!!!) I want the rest done and decorated before the 4th.
2. Main bathroom. Tile off the walls, walls scraped and holes filled. Pick paint. Pick tiles. Paint. Tile floor. Redo (or get new) counter. Again---done before the 4th.
3. Empty front closet and organize and purge.
4. Clean spouting.
5. Spray weeds (soon!)

Those are just the things at the top of the list. Then there's the basement, the kitchen, my bedroom and bath....its never ending!

And I havent done anything about classes yet. ***Sigh***

Lovin' Life

I am happy. Really, genuinely happy.

I dont remember the last time I could really say that, and honestly mean it. I've had happy moments, but I dont know when I've been happy clear to the core. And I'm enjoying it. A lot of it is because a big part of the stress is not here anymore. It took time, and a lot of soul searching and praying to finally know---really know---that this is the right thing...for me, and for the girls. It doesn't bring me down to hear the negative comments or digs from him anymore. (If he was truely happy, I dont think he would need to do that anymore.) A big part of all this is because of my growing relationship with God. I have been more open to listening, and letting him really get into my heart.

I'm ready to start dating. (Yikes, did I really say that?) Nothing serious or anything at the moment, just someone to hang out with (especially on weekends the girls are with their dad), go for walks, cook dinner together...(cheap things, lol). But I'm not exactly where you meet single guys at my age. I'm also not out looking either, lol. I'm not in a hurry, although Maddy told me today that I need a boyfriend. Thanks Maddy, lol.

In the meantime, I'll keep working on the house...I want to have a yard sale Saturday...need to go to the Habitat store to check out flooring...need to price drywall for Ali's room... So much to do....

Celebrate!

Tomorrow is Grandpa's 89th birthday. We're going down to visit for awhile. Its also the day my friends are taking me out to celebrate my 40th birthday. We're going out for dinner, and then maybe to a movie. So looking forward to that!

Workday is still on for Saturday. I'm meeting Pam in Wooster to get the shower stuff, then check out the Habitat store for bedroom stuff. Woohoo! Really looking forward to more progress.

The heat finally broke, and if all summer would be like today, I wouldnt complain at all. It was gorgeous!