Still Plugging Along...

I finally started on the bathroom floor today. I've been procrastinating, then when I went to take the toilet out, there was no shut off valve. So Mike came and put one in for me, but in the process, cut the wrong pipe, leaving us with NO toilet in the house that worked. So he came back and fixed that, only for me to find out we had no cold water in the only usable shower today. So thats now fixed. Hopefully by morning, ALL the cold water faucets will be functioning again.

The tiling is going ok. I sure hope it looks ok (and is ok) once I'm done. I think I got the hardest part done today. I even took 2 tiles with me when I took the girls to get their physicals, and stopped by Lowes to have them cut. The rest I can handle. (Thanks to the Hendersons, who have graciously let me borrow their tiling tools.)

Tomorrow morning I'll finish the tile, then Friday morning I can grout. Saturday morning I can put up beadboard (I hope), and reinstall the toilet. I need that bathroom functional by Saturday because my dad, Sis and Eric are coming to stay til Monday. Ahhhhhh.

To top it off, this week is VBS (which has been a blast for the kids), so I'm down there every evening and lose those hours working on the house!

Update and Goals

The house progress is coming along. The accent wall in the entryway is painted (3 times!). I still need to touch up the edging, but I think the rest is done. Now to accessorize.... :)

The front closet is emptied, and some things have been tossed, others in a bag to donate. Everything else is still on the floor in the hallway. (We got a late start today) That will be done tomorrow.

Most of the tile is off the bathroom walls. I still need to do around the sinks. I've also peeled most of the wallpaper off the top part, and wow to the color I found underneath! I dont remember it ever being that color. Hopefully I can make more progress in there tomorrow...

So things are moving along, even though it seems like a slow process.

I was reading another blog, and I decided to try an idea she did on hers----40 things I want to do while I'm 40. (Hers was much easier---she was only 21, lol.) I've tried doing these things before, and I'm really bad at it, so here goes...

1. Reinstate my teaching license (or be well on the way to doing it)
2. Have a yard sale
3. Remodel the main bathroom
4. "Decorate" the house (pictures/art, etc)
5. Finish Ali's room
6. Start jogging
7. Cut back on junk food
8. Learn to use the Smartboard effectively
9. Renew a friendship
10. Go on a date :) (stole this one)
11. Finalize divorce (I guess this one should come before #10, lol)
12. Try Zumba
13. Take more pictures
14. Go see a real movie (not a kid movie)
15. Try a new fruit or vegetable every couple weeks
16. Let someone know I care
17. Go on a mission trip (if offered)
18. Go to Cedar Point
19. Camp out with the girls
20. Be a better housekeeper

Ok, half done. Its taking a long time and a lot of thought, so I'll finish another time. Right now, #20 is calling my name---by way of the laundry.

Plugging Along

The yardsale didnt happen---yet. Still planning one this summer, but I have a few other things to get done first.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. There are so many thing I want (NEED) to get done. I dont know what should take priority. Here are just a few things...

1. Paint the front entryway and hall. (I will do the accent wall tomorrow!!!) I want the rest done and decorated before the 4th.
2. Main bathroom. Tile off the walls, walls scraped and holes filled. Pick paint. Pick tiles. Paint. Tile floor. Redo (or get new) counter. Again---done before the 4th.
3. Empty front closet and organize and purge.
4. Clean spouting.
5. Spray weeds (soon!)

Those are just the things at the top of the list. Then there's the basement, the kitchen, my bedroom and bath....its never ending!

And I havent done anything about classes yet. ***Sigh***

Lovin' Life

I am happy. Really, genuinely happy.

I dont remember the last time I could really say that, and honestly mean it. I've had happy moments, but I dont know when I've been happy clear to the core. And I'm enjoying it. A lot of it is because a big part of the stress is not here anymore. It took time, and a lot of soul searching and praying to finally know---really know---that this is the right thing...for me, and for the girls. It doesn't bring me down to hear the negative comments or digs from him anymore. (If he was truely happy, I dont think he would need to do that anymore.) A big part of all this is because of my growing relationship with God. I have been more open to listening, and letting him really get into my heart.

I'm ready to start dating. (Yikes, did I really say that?) Nothing serious or anything at the moment, just someone to hang out with (especially on weekends the girls are with their dad), go for walks, cook dinner together...(cheap things, lol). But I'm not exactly where you meet single guys at my age. I'm also not out looking either, lol. I'm not in a hurry, although Maddy told me today that I need a boyfriend. Thanks Maddy, lol.

In the meantime, I'll keep working on the house...I want to have a yard sale Saturday...need to go to the Habitat store to check out flooring...need to price drywall for Ali's room... So much to do....

Celebrate!

Tomorrow is Grandpa's 89th birthday. We're going down to visit for awhile. Its also the day my friends are taking me out to celebrate my 40th birthday. We're going out for dinner, and then maybe to a movie. So looking forward to that!

Workday is still on for Saturday. I'm meeting Pam in Wooster to get the shower stuff, then check out the Habitat store for bedroom stuff. Woohoo! Really looking forward to more progress.

The heat finally broke, and if all summer would be like today, I wouldnt complain at all. It was gorgeous!

Memorial Day

Sending many thanks to those who have served, given their lives, and/or continue to serve today. I cant express enough appreciation for that.

We had a very fun day. We went to Pam's mom's house like we usually do. It was soooo hot. I'm not ready for it to be this hot! But, we had lunch, went swimming, and cooled off. We spent a lot of time in the pool! Then we got out, had dessert, and played a little softball. By then we were all exhausted, so we came home. Alexis fell asleep, and the rest of us just sat around trying to stay cool. (Several days in the 90s...not ready for that!)

I cant say how excited I am to not have to get up for school tomorrow! But, that doesnt mean I have nothing to do. We're having a work day here Saturday. We're going to try to get the shower done in the big bathroom. I'm SO excited. That will make such a huge difference around here. Depending on how much time that takes, or how much help Chris needs, Pam and I might work in the basement. I'd love to have Ali's room done this summer...plus paint the basement and maybe get a carpet remnant to put down there so we can have a somewhat usable living space when its so darn hot like this. It has to be at least 30* cooler down there. Would be nice to just go down there to hang out and watch tv or something. So we'll see how things come together.
I also need to get things together for a yard sale. Maybe if I can find enough stuff, and get rid of good stuff, I'll have enough to do some kind of mini vacation or work on the basement....

Done.

Woohoo...school's out for summer! (everyone sing along!) :)

I made it. First year down, many more to go. It was fun. I hope I have everything done that needed done. If not, I told someone to call me.
We also had a close call with the Reading Tree books. I ordered them a month ago, and they still weren't here. So I had no books to hand out at the awards assembly this morning. I check the status of the order online, and it says its been shipped and is on a truck for delivery. They showed up at 1:30. That worked out. There are 2 books back ordered, but at least the majority of them are handed out.

Now its on to summer. I still need to get some classes in. I haven't decided where to take them. I emailed Stark State but havent heard back. :( I think that will be my best bet.

Other than that, I dont think we have any plans. Relax, have some fun, maybe take some pictures...

Yes, I'm counting

EIGHT more days of school. And I have to have everything done by then because I dont get a work day at the end of the year. Or the beginning of next year. But, I emailed the superintendent, and he said if I think I'll need a work day, I can talk to my principal and she can put in the request for me. So I think I'll skip the end of the year one, but have her request one for me before school next year, as I'm going to have SO much to get in place with rearranging and all.

I'm so tired of all the rain. The kids havent had any time to play outside. Somehow we've been lucky to have recess outside, but then the rain returns, and we're stuck inside all evening. Games and practices have been cancelled, and one game we played half of in the rain. It was not fun. To add to it, its cold again now. It didnt make it out of the 40s yesterday (after being in the 80s the previous few days) and only in the 50s today. Brrrrrr.

Happy Mother's Day

to me and all the other mom's out there---especially my wonderful mom! :) Besides the littles getting up entirely too early, today started out great...breakfast in bed made and served by my wonderful girls. (Sorry about the quality, my phone was the only camera close)

We spent the rest of the day with my mom and family...a nice relaxing day doing not much of anything at all.

I love my girls...being a mom is the best thing I ever decided to do. My girls are the greatest, and I'm super proud of the young ladies they're becomming.

Making Some Changes

...to the blog anyway. I've been reading a few other blogs, and they really are a lot more interesting, mostly because they include pictures. I'm going to try to do that more often. I'm hoping for a small point and shoot camera for my birthday (but not sure thats gonna happen), and I think I'll be more apt to take pics. I just hate to drag my big camera out all the time for quick pictures. So we'll see what I can come up with.

Still checking in to the schooling. Not sure I'm going to be able to do it all this summer. But I'll get there.

Also working on healthier eating...trying to make better choices for the family. They're not always receptive, but they wont starve, lol.

And the best news---3 weeks (15 days) of school left. And yes, I'm counting!

One Year

One year ago today Mike moved out...and it changed my life forever.

Up until the last few months, I've felt like I've been on the longest roller coaster ride of my life. But a couple months ago, I sat down and did some soul searching, and have gotten off that ride! Dont get me wrong, life is still a struggle. But at least now I'm enjoying it. I'm doing what's right for me and the girls. We're happy. We're not walking on eggshells. I hope we're having some fun.
I'm in a better place.

Now that emotions are better in check, I need to get the rest of the pieces in place. I had a talk with my principal last week, and without coming right out and saying it, she strongly encouraged me to see what it would take to get my license reinstated. And once I do, let our curriculum director know because they hire Title teachers in August. Hmmmm.... So I did check into it, and I need 12 credits, and then I need to fill out an application. I'm going to have to do it online, and so far I've checked with U of A to see if they offer that. I'm still waiting for an answer. The last thing I really want to do is take classes, but I cant continue to stay where I'm at. I just cant provide for my family. So we'll see what happens.

I feel things are looking up!

Starting the Busy Time

Stupid headaches! I've had a headache now for over a week. It comes and goes each day, but I really think I've had one every day. I dont want to go to the dr, but its getting to the point where I'm not sure what to do... We're all finally healthy (knock on wood). We never get sick, and now that I have a job, we all got sick (well, not the big girls thankfully). And speaking of jobs, I'm hoping to get another part time one. I've heard Janet is going to retire from cleaning the church. I'm not sure when, but I've already told Jack that I'm interested if/when that happens. That would help a LOT! Not sure how much it pays, but anything would help at this point. We've started the busy season again. Alexis had her first soccer game on Saturday. She played really well, even though her team did pretty bad. She played defense this time, and I think she was more aggressive there than when she plays forward. I was impressed. Livi has had her first softball practice---just one so far due to the weather. Maddy was supposed to have her first t-ball practice tonight but it got rained out. The 3 of us were outside practicing a bit yesterday. It was 84* and sunny! I think Mom has finally decided to see about getting on disability. I've been suggesting for awhile that she sell her house and add on an apartment to mine. I think maybe she's finally leaning that way. She's been thinking about a lot of things, and is worried about blocking the new windows I just put in, but that really doesnt concern me. Her house is too big, needs too much work and upkeep, and no one is there if she needs something. Plus, the church has already offered to buy hers if/when she ever wants to sell. So it seems as if all the stars are aligning for that.

Ha!

So much for that last post... That afternoon I found out my aunt was taking my mom back to Columbus to the hospital with a 102* fever. I guess they never figured out where it came from, but they replaced her G-tube (to her stomach) and her PIC line. They had to make sure it was working right before they let her come home, so she ended up staying in until Friday evening. Madelyn had another ear infection, this time in the other ear. She also had borderline pneumonia, so she gave her a stronger antibiotic. Wednesday she really wasnt any better, so I decided to stay home with her on Thursday. By then I wasnt feeling all that well either, and felt even worse on Friday, but we both went back to school. Then Saturday I spent most of the day in bed, getting up to do laundry and make dinner. Dad, Maureen and Sis were supposed to come on Saturday, but Dad had to replace the hot water heater...guess that really worked out for the best. They came yesterday instead (just Dad and Sis), and I was feeling somewhat better. We went out for lunch, then I made a banana cake with fudge frosting for dessert. It was great! They went back today. I'm still somewhat stuffed up, have just a bit of a cough, and still sound funny, but pretty much on the mend.

Going Well

Most things anyway... Mom is doing well. She continues to improve, and even got to go see Grandpa yesterday. I think they were both very happy to see each other! She's been eating soft foods and drinking more. Livi starts softball next week. She's really nervous, as this is the first year the kids pitch. She's a really good little player. I hope she sticks with it, as both older girls have moved on to other things. :( (Well, Brenna only played one year ever...) Maddy starts t-ball the next week. Its her first year. She could have played last year, but I felt it was going to be too much with the 3 other girls doing other things, so we waited an extra year. I think she'll have fun. I'm doing good as well. I finally hit the 15 pound lost mark! I did the slimfast thing for the first couple weeks, but I know I cant do that forever. So I've been trying new (and healthier) things, and its working so far. I'm not expecting 5 pound losses each week, but as long as it stays on the downward trend, I'm ok with that. The only negative to report at the moment is Maddy is sick---again. She came home from school Friday with a fever. She stayed home with me all weekend while the girls went to their dad's. She didnt run a fever again until yesterday after school. Today I'm staying home with her and taking her to the dr. This is the same way she acted last time when she had the ear infection. Fever, then none for a couple days, then fever...and just not getting better. I hope its nothing, but yet I hope there's something they can give her so she feels better. She hasnt eaten more than a couple bites of anything since Friday, but at least she's drinking. Guess we'll see what they have to say today...

Spring Program

Tonight was the spring program at the elementary school. It was called Bugz, and was really cute. Maddy had a one line solo in her part of the program, and Livi had a solo in the main program. They did great!

Its been so nice the last week. It sounds like we're in for some colder wetter weather again now... possibly even some snow. :( I'm ready for it to just stay nice now!

Answer Please

Just a yes or no would be nice. Don't make me guess. Don't speak in code. Just yes...or no.

Smile

Today we took Mom for a check-up. The dr was really surprised at how well she's doing. She was grimmacing a bit when she got out of the chair to walk to the table, and he asked if she should be back in the hospital and she said "Heavens no!". He said that was a good answer. He said her incision looked great! Nice and pink and healthy. She got one of her drains out, but still has 2 left. She's allowed to drink more, and drink other things now, she can have jello, and in a couple weeks she can start trying toast. She doesnt need to go back for 2 months unless something comes up.

I'm into week 4 of weight loss/healthier eating. So far I'm down 14lbs. I'll take it. I'm really excited to get this going, finally. I have lots of motivation this time...and one thing in particular. :) The only thing I'm having trouble with is getting C25K started. I wanted to start yesterday, and 6:00 am is the best time for me to fit it in, but I just couldnt get myself out of bed. I'm having trouble sleeping the last couple weeks, and I just cant seem to get up with any energy at all. Then I had to drive carpool last night, ended up with a headache, so I just never got on the treadmill. I need to force myself. Its something I really want to do, but getting started is just not fun, lol.

Maybe I need to post a picture somewhere of why I want to do all this...

Happiness is...

...going out for the evening and coming home to a clean house.

...going out for the evening.

...taking a good friend out to celebrate his birthday after a very long week.

...texting with my chicklets so they know I love them and am thinking about them.

...learning a lot from a book I'm reading.

...living in the moment.

Get a Grip

I need to just get a grip on my life and emotions. I'm letting things get all mixed up together, and then get overly emotional and irrational about things because I cant sort them out. I've done a lot of thinking the last few days, and I think what I've figured out is: I'm where I want to be. I dont want to try to work things out with Mike. Its been bad longer than it was good. Too many feelings have been hurt. We're actually getting along now, and can have a good relationship to show the girls, even if its not living together. We've both learned a lot since we've split...what we did wrong, what we could improve, what we could fix, (what we can do different next time) etc. But thats not entirely everything. Besides the emotional part of things, there's also the physical, and thats not something I can fix. Its not something I want with him, and I cant pretend for the rest of my life. And I'm not in love with him anymore. At best guess, I probably never was. I thought I was. I was infatuated. And thats not fair to either of us. Its not at all how I set out for things to be, but its how things are working out.
So why all the personal drama over the weekend? Because its what he represents that I miss. I miss the affection. I miss being close with someone. I miss having someone to lean on, to take care of, just to talk to. I'm missing something in my life. (The thing is, its been missing for much longer than I've been separated.)

It feels like a weight has been lifted. I feel like my head has cleared some. I feel a little more at peace. Maybe I can better accept a few things that have happened lately and just be thankful.

I'm on the right path.

Drama Anyone?

Of course its my own drama. Doesnt really involve anyone else, at least not that they know.

Dh was here last night for over 2 hours. Most of that time we spent talking with me. I have no clue whats up. Things have been less stressful family wise since he moved out. I yell at the girls sometimes (which I really need to stop), but its not like it was when we were all together. But there have been low points too. So last night during our chat, it came up as to whether or not we are fixable. Now? After 10 months apart? And him having a g/f for the last 7 or so? Really? He thinks I want to try to work things out. I dont know if I do or not. Its easier to talk to him now, he's nicer when he's here (most of the time), but what if we would try to work it out....would we just fall back into the same old bad habits and end up where we are now anyway? I do want him to be happy. What if what he has with his gf will make him happy? If we try again and dont work, then he doesnt have me or her. I told him even if I did want to work things out, I wouldnt say anything. I feel that he's obviously moved on. Why should I ruin that? Part of me feel that 16 years was a waste. Thats a LONG time to waste in the big picture of life. I mean, I got my girls out of it, and I wouldnt trade that for the world, but still... Is it worth trying to fix? I just dont know what to do. In my heart, I really dont think we can be fixed, but should it be a priority to try? Like I dont have enough stress....

And then there's my mom. They told her on Thursday she'd be in 4-5 more days. Then Friday they walked in and said "see ya". So she's at aunt Jackie's. I havent gotten the whole story yet, but it sounded like they wanted her to go into nursing care somewhere for awhile first, but no one arranged it so she came home. I'm going to see her after lunch. Dr Martin is great, but the after care there isn't all that great, and it seems like no one talks to each other about what the plan is. They always say one things as to when she's being released, then walk in one day and say "you're going home today". It would be nice if we had time to make a plan! But she's home anyway, and a home health nurse is coming in once a day. All I say is she better not get sick from them letting her go too soon, or to a place she's not ready to be!

And to top it off, they rejected my taxes. Ugh!