Ahhhh....

Breathing a sigh of relief. The bookfair, and the longest week I've had in a long time, is over. Feels good. I think the bookfair was pretty successful. I kept a bunch of books out of the bookfair for me to add to the library, and still have a bit of money to spend. Its kinda fun. :)

Yesterday I went to the 6th grade room towards the end of the day (they were having their end of the month celebrations) and asked for volunteers to come help tear down the bookfair. I had 6 BOYS come down to help...gave up their free time and a bit of outside time to help me in the library. So I bought them each a pop, and we were done in about 30 minutes. I appreciated their help a bunch!

Then after school Livi had 3 friends, and Maddy had 1 come over for a little party. They ate donuts off a string and bobbed for apples. Then they had pizza, played for just a bit, then went home. I think it was a success, even for only 2 hours. It made Livi happy to be able to have a party, made the kids happy to do some fun things, and made me happy to have them out after a short time, lol. :)

Tonight the big girls are having their party. I have no clue what they're going to do. We looked in to a murder mystery, but didnt know how many kids were going to end up coming. So, I'm thinking bonfire, maybe a scary movie, pizza.... Just dont know. So we'll see. Of course, this one is going to be coed, and longer---4 hours. Hope I'm still breathing that sigh of relief when its over. :)

When...

When does it get easier? When do things work out like they're supposed to? When do I get a break? I got an email from Mom today saying she needs to talk to me. Its VERY important. And she left it at that. You cant leave me hanging like that. So I asked her what its about and she said the house. We were afraid this might happen. The nursing home has apparantly asked what happened to the money from the sale of the house. Well, I havent paid on it yet. I'm planning to start after the first of the year. But they want the money for him to stay there. I cant just keep the house since it hasnt been 5 years since I bought it...its only been 1 1/2. Its so not fair. I'm trying to do whats right...trying to take care of my family. I dont want to lose this house! But who is going to give me a loan with only a part time job? I really need this to worry about on top of everything else. Sometimes life is just not fair.

Monday

Well, its Monday. The little girls missed the bus this morning. It wasnt their fault. They had a sub driving, and he was about 8 minutes early. The girls were just heading out the door, and he only slowed down, never completely stopped. Grrrrr.

I set up the book fair over the weekend. It took about 4 1/2 hours. I had waaaaaay too much stuff, and not enough places to put it all. So its everywhere! I'm hoping for some good sales though.

And now tonight I have a headache. Lovely.

I just have so much on my mind these days:

The levy is starting to stress me out again as voting draws near. There are still some really stupid people out there. I read their posts on the Daily Record site, and I wonder what they're really thinking. I mean, really??? Sorry, but there is nothing more important that my kids education. No matter what they decide to do...they need a good education. So if we need to support it now, why wouldnt we? I just dont get it.
But its not only affecting the kids this time...it affects me too. It makes me ill to think about getting a different job. I have the perfect job for a single mom with kids in school and activities. I keep thinking maybe they can find more hours and stuff for me to do next year if it passes. That would be great. But if it fails, I'm out. (Ok, thats not for sure, but I'm almost positive.) Even if I would stay, do I really want to deal with 35 kids in the library at a time in a strange school? I cant think I'd like that job all that much.

Then there's Grandpa. I dont know how much better he's doing, although Mom said he was sitting up tonight when she went. She said he still looks bad. I'm going to try to go see him Wednesday.

So Mike stops by tonight and we were chatting. He said his mom asked him about Thanksgiving and if he was going to bring the girls out for awhile. And that I'm invited too. I still dont think he knows what he wants, and I know she'd like to see us back together, but its not gonna happen. Its not what I want. Its not what the girls want.

My mom is battling a bit of depression. I worry about her. Her health is good at the moment, but if she gets depressed, its not going to help at all. I dont know what to do to help her. Alexis went down tonight to help her rake her leaves and mow her lawn...

And of course the other thing thats on my mind often....

This and That

Grandpa is back at the nursing home. They did some tests and found out he has legionella pneumonia. So they changed his meds, and he's doing a bit better. I hope he continues on the right path!

Today the stuff for the bookfair arrived at school. Holy overwhelming feeling! They stacked everything at the end of the library, so of course the kids wanted to see everything. I havent looked in all the boxes yet, but there is some neat stuff. I hope the kids find something they like and can get. I have the unfortunate task of setting it all up myself over the weekend. The girls will be with Mike, so... Fun times.

I have 3 people coming tomorrow to give estimates on a new furnace and hot water tank. I hope this doesnt take long...its COLD in here! Every time they come for something, its at least 2 weeks until I hear from someone, so I hope its not the case this time.

Grandpa is back in the hospital. He went to a new nursing home on Friday, but wasnt responding to the meds, and his fever went way back up tonight. They took him to Millersburg, then transferred him to Wooster. He has an infection. They think it must be viral since its not responding to the meds. He's pretty sick. I'm pretty worried.

I went to a community meeting at Holmesville tonight. There weren't a lot of people there, but there was some good information. More people need to go. I know times are tough, but we cant afford NOT to pass this levy. It would cost us all dearly.

I'm tired tonight. I've been feeling stressed again lately, and my eye has been twitching like crazy. Makes me crazy. I think I'll go to bed and try to get a little extra sleep.

Bored

I dont really have anything in particular to write about...I'm just bored. The older girls are at youth group, and the younger 2 are winding down for the night. I'd just like to crawl in bed now, but I have to pick up the older ones in 40 minutes or so. I have such a headache tonight. Gotta love hormones.



I need to check the weather for this week. I'd love to have some time to work outside. I would just like to keep things under control.

I also need to call about the furnace.

And I need to start Christmas shopping. I'm going to have to start now so I can get some things put away. I wont be able to wait til closer and buy it all at once. I already know a couple things I'm going to get.

Room to Breathe

I think things might start to slow down now. Today was Brenna's volleyball tournament. They lost the first game. Sometimes I just dont understand people's thinking. All season they played team 1, team 2, then if needed, team 1 again. 90% of the time, team 1 lost, then team 2 won to keep them in the match, sometimes against the same girls. But yet, today team 1 played the first set and lost, so she left them in to lost the match in 2 sets. Nice. Anyway, she's done now.

Ali still has practice this week. Then she and the little girls play next Saturday, then soccer is over too. I think the only thing they'll have then is Power of the Pen. Alexis has been doing that, but Brenna is talking about doing it too now that volleyball is over. I wont complain. Its educational, and once a week, lol.

As for me...I'm still plugging along. I worked out at the burn pile today. I really want to get it ready for bonfires...and we're going to try to have one Halloween weekend, which is rapidly approaching. Still have a lot of work to do, but I might have a bit more time to put towards it now.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for one other thing thats in the works. Preliminary plans look promising, but I'm not holding my breath. :)

Fun Times

Turning 40. Wow. I dont feel like I'm almost 40. Pennie, Heather, Stacie and I went out last night to celebrate Heather's b-day. She's the first of us to turn 40 (she will on Tues.). We went to Steve Dakota's Steakhouse. I know when I go somewhere with them, we'll be loud, and of course, Pennie and that laugh.... Well, we got to laughing last night, and the people at the tables on either side of us started making fun of Pennie's laugh. (The backs of the booths were too high to see over.) The manager walked up to our table, and we thought we might get a "warning", but he just wanted to see what all the fun was about. He made several visits to our table after that just to chat, and the owner even stopped over once.
After that we went back to Stacie's and watched "It's Complicated". More laughing. We just really had a good time.

I guess laughter really is the best medicine.

Emotional

I'm a bit of a mess today. I guess I didnt realize how things were getting to me until tonight. I really miss the girls when they go to Mike's. Its nice to have a bit of time alone, but when I'm just sitting here, I want them here.

I went to get a few groceries after they left. When I got home, I decided to straighten up the house. When I walked into the living room, one of the couches was gone. When we first split, I told Mike he could have it. But he got to keep his parents couch, so this one was going to stay. He just came and took it while I was gone. I was pissed. Its not that I need it, and if he'd have just came and talked to me about it, I would have let him take it. But it was the fact that he just walked in while I was gone and took it. So I called. And bitched. I told him I dont want him just walking in anymore. This isnt his house, and I NEVER go to his house. Ever. So I dont want him here at all when I'm not here, and if I am, knock. I dont want to be a bitch about things, but I'm not having him pull this crap whenever he feels like it.

My emotions are a bit screwed right now too. I'm still on the mini self pity party. I'm back to the self doubts I have. Why couldn't I make my marriage work? I know it takes 2, but still. I know there was a lot I messed up, but I still feel it wasnt entirely my fault. So if I couldnt make this one work, what makes me think I could ever have another? I would like to someday--I think. But how do I know I wont just mess that up too? I learned a lot...about myself, about being with someone... I would do a lot of things different. But that doesnt guarantee anything. There is no guarantee. In anything.

So, I will push on. I'll get over this. I should see a shrink. But maybe I'll just go cry a bit instead.

Happy (?) Anniversary

Happy anniversary to me. 15 years. Actually, 14 1/2, but we're still legally married, so 15 years today. In a way, it makes me sad. It seems like such a waste, to be with someone for so long, then have it end. Yet I have 4 wonderful girls that I wouldnt trade for the world. So while a lot of the last 15 years were not happily married, I'd have to do it all again if given the chance, because changing it wouldnt give me my girls. And I love them dearly!

Family Fun

Why do they have to fight? Why??? So things are fine all evening. They're even playing together...until the little 2 go to bed. Now the big 2 are fighting over who gets to shower first. Usually its who has to shower first. But no. Not tonight. So I can hear screaming and fighting clear in here from my bathroom. Lets just say they were not happy to see me show up in there. Really girls?

(I of course, have an obvious solution to the problem, but that will lead to accusations of favoritism and such. Its really a no win situation...)

Blah

I started this post once, but it wasnt coming out quite right. Let me try again.

Things are just a bit blah in life right now. Maddy was sick Friday. I started feeling not so good on Sunday, and have had stomach cramps since. Today Brenna came home early from school not feeling well. Lovely. I hope we get over this quick!

I found out Saturday that Mike has a girlfriend...his second since we split up. Guess I just dont get that. I mean, I know how he is, but still... I asked where he met these women (I was pretty sure I already knew), and the answer was online. Really? The thought of that just scares the crap out of me! I mean, he can do whatever he wants, but if he decides to bring my girls around her, then I need to worry. What do you really know about someone you meet online???

So I decided to check out the site he met them on. Its not set up as a dating site, but it sure looks like one to me. You dont have to pay, and its a way to "meet people", but still... He said he wasnt really "looking" for someone, but after seeing the site, I cant honestly believe that. I guess I just dont really get it.

Sure, I'd like to date someone...have someone to hang out with, spend evenings with when the girls are with their dad, but I just cant resort to looking online. The thought just creeps me out.

Anyway, I told him I'd just like to get the papers ready, get the quit claims done, and when I get a bit more money, I'll file the papers. It would be better all around to just have it done. I guess part of me worries what it would look like if I dated someone now when we're still legally married. Maybe I shouldnt care...we're apart, and its going to stay that way. So I just want to get it over with and out of the way. (Our 15th anniversary is Thursday.)
(Oh, and I have no doubt that if I asked him back, he'd come. I just cant do that again. I want to be happy, and I really want him to be happy too...we just cant do that together.)

10th Month Already

I cant believe October is here already. And its nice and chilly. Too bad it means it is inside too. Brrrrrr. :) (Its good football weather though...)

The girls want to have a Halloween party this year. I'll have to see what kind of shape the house is in by that time, but I'm up for it. I also REALLY want to have a new years party this year. I love having the room to do it, now if I can just get it finished up so its all usable!

Warming Up

The guy from Community Action came today to do the weatherization check on the house. We failed miserably. He couldnt believe how high the number was when he hooked the fan to the front door and measured the amount of air flowing through the house (with closed windows and doors). He said it was like leaving a 4' X 4' window open all the time. No wonder its so cold in here in the winter!
He also shut the gas off to the furnace. He said its not safe at all! Nice. It is original to the house though...

After all was said and done and checked, this is what he came up with:

-New boiler. A few new pipes where some have been replaced with plastic. They're not approved for the heating system.
-New hot water heater. This one is only about 2 years old, but the valve on it doesnt work properly, so it will get replaced. (and wrapped)
-Insulation blown in the attics.
-Insulation blown in all the outside walls. Unfortunately this means they have to cut holes in all the walls except the family room to do this. I guess its worth it to have a warm house.
-Take down old insulation in the basement garage and put in new insulation board, and blow it with filler. (more pipe work here, and a bit of electric work as well)
-Vent the dryer. Its not vented right now, and wasnt vented properly.
-Spray insulation around the top of the foundation and stick other insulation to it to fill in all gaps.

I will be so happy to get this done. I think it will make such a huge difference. I'll be anxious to see how much the bills go down.
He also told me to go to metropolitan housing to see about getting some upgrades done to the house...such as a finished bathroom in the basement and the bathrooms redone upstairs. I will probably go there next week to see what they can do.

I hate being poor. I really do. But its nice to know these agencies are out there to help me get things in order so I can make it.

Hoping...

They say patience is a virtue....I'll have to take their word for it...

It always helps

Tonight was the annual church hayride. They tried something different this year, and started games for the kids at 4. They had a blast. Then we ate at 5 (hotdog roast/carry-in). Then the hayride. The whole evening is just so much fun. Time to talk, have fun, forget about other things for awhile.
Plus the weather is finally cooperating and it feels like fall. We wore sweatshirts and jackets, and it felt nice to sit around the fire.

This weekend went way to fast though. I could really use another day to just rest.

Needing Something Happy

I'm just feeling blah. I have over a month until the levy vote. That is creating a lot of stress for me right now:
What can I do to be getting the word out, and getting people to really understand how important this is? What am I going to do about my kids education if this fails? What am *I* going to do if this fails? I dont want to think about it, it makes my head hurt, but I'm not sure what to do until I know the results.

Life is just a bit emotional right now. Lots of things going on, lots of things I'd like to have going on. :)

I need to get out and do something fun to get my mind off things for awhile.

Heavy Heart...

I went to the board meeting last night. I honestly could just sit here and cry today. I feel so bad. If the levy doesnt pass in November, my whole world (as well as the girls) is going to change. And I cant say its for the better.
They've proposed to close three elementary schools, and of course ours is one of them. They would have PK-3rd in AC, 4-6 at the current middle school, and 7-12 at the high school. Thats awful. The schools are going to be busting at the seams! On top of that, they'd lose 12 elementary teachers, 4 secondary teachers, possibly 1 special ed teacher, 3 secretaries, 3 librarians, 2 administrators, 3 custodians and some other aides. It just breaks my heart.
So not only will the girls all have to go to different schools, I would be out of a job...just as things are starting to look up, things are not looking real good right now.

I'm still not sure they're going about this entirely the right way. The two big things that hit Wooster hard were no sports/extracurriculars, and state minimum bussing. I didnt hear anything about those. I just dont know if it will pass with what they're proposing, even though its HUGE. I dont know how to get people to understand. I'm still considering an email to the superintendent. If they have considered those things, I'd like to know why they decided not to put them on the chopping block.

I dont know what I will do if the levy fails. Obviously I cant move, but I'm not sure I want my kids in this school district anymore. I cant believe I'm actually saying something like that. But they're planning on going to college. They need to have extracurriculars on their applications. They're super students academically, but they need the extra stuff too. What are they going to do in a school with no sports? No musicals? No marching band? No fall play?

I sure hope people open their eyes and see how important this is, and what they're denying our kids if this fails.

In the Blink of an Eye

How fast things can change. Thursday evening I was at JRL watching Brenna's volleyball game. The 7th grade game was over, the 8th grade team was just finishing warm ups when the principal came in the gym and announced that the tornado sirens were going off in town and we needed to get to the middle of the school now. So everyone left the gym and went to the middle classrooms to wait. And wait. And wait. It didnt look windy, just some rain. We had really been oblivious to anything going on outside besides a bit of rain. After about 20 minutes, we were given the all clear. I took the little girls and B and we went home. Ali was here with a friend... I was actually glad she wasnt alone. Thankfully the tornado didnt come near the school, or my house, but it hit about 5 miles up the road and did a LOT of damage. They classified it as an F-2. The most damage was to the OARDC/ATI and surrounding area, but it went further than that.
Tomorrow the church has organized a work crew to help a family from church whose house was hit. The insurance will take care of the house things (windows, roof, garage) but not the trees that fell in the yard (over 25). So I'm going to help, and hoping for a bit of firewood for next year. (I would go help even if I dont get any wood.)
We lost power for 22.5 hours. Thankfully that was it. There are some places still w/o electricity. We also didnt have school Friday since there was no electricity. That really stinks since 1-I dont get paid for it now, 2-we only get 3 snow days this year and we've used one already, and 3-I couldnt even do things around here like vacuum, laundry, dishes, etc. But it came back on a bit after 4 on Friday, so all is well now.
I'm just so amazed how fast things happened. I didnt even know what was going on, and couldnt find out for quite some time due to the power outage. I'm just glad everyone is ok.

Busy Fun Weekend

Saturday Dad and Sis came in for the fair. We got there a little after 9 Saturday morning. We walked through the barns, got Lerch's donuts, then got ride bands, and the riding began. The girls rode and rode and rode. They had so much fun. We stayed until at least 3:30 or so, and we were all pretty wiped out by then. Thankfully we made it out before the rain came that evening.

Sunday we went back to the fair for a bit and took Grandpa. We're not sure if he enjoyed it or not, but at least we all went together. We only stayed an hour or so, and he was tired.

Today there was no school because of the fair. There is no way I'm taking the girls on fair day. I'll probably end up going next year (if I can) to listen to the band since Alexis will be playing. This year we decided to go to the Cleveland zoo instead. It was a really nice day. We had great weather, it wasnt crowded, and met my brother there. It was fun.

Tomorrow is back to the grind.