Friday, October 8, 2010

Emotional

I'm a bit of a mess today. I guess I didnt realize how things were getting to me until tonight. I really miss the girls when they go to Mike's. Its nice to have a bit of time alone, but when I'm just sitting here, I want them here.

I went to get a few groceries after they left. When I got home, I decided to straighten up the house. When I walked into the living room, one of the couches was gone. When we first split, I told Mike he could have it. But he got to keep his parents couch, so this one was going to stay. He just came and took it while I was gone. I was pissed. Its not that I need it, and if he'd have just came and talked to me about it, I would have let him take it. But it was the fact that he just walked in while I was gone and took it. So I called. And bitched. I told him I dont want him just walking in anymore. This isnt his house, and I NEVER go to his house. Ever. So I dont want him here at all when I'm not here, and if I am, knock. I dont want to be a bitch about things, but I'm not having him pull this crap whenever he feels like it.

My emotions are a bit screwed right now too. I'm still on the mini self pity party. I'm back to the self doubts I have. Why couldn't I make my marriage work? I know it takes 2, but still. I know there was a lot I messed up, but I still feel it wasnt entirely my fault. So if I couldnt make this one work, what makes me think I could ever have another? I would like to someday--I think. But how do I know I wont just mess that up too? I learned a lot...about myself, about being with someone... I would do a lot of things different. But that doesnt guarantee anything. There is no guarantee. In anything.

So, I will push on. I'll get over this. I should see a shrink. But maybe I'll just go cry a bit instead.

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