Monday, August 16, 2010

Past and Future

Ok, so here goes...

The year I graduated, I started working at a smaller convenient-type store in the next town over. I worked evenings, and it was actually pretty fun with the people I worked with. I left for college, but moved back after a semester and worked there again while going to the local college.

Not exactly sure of the precise time, but one night a guy that worked at the restaurant next door came in. At that very moment, I believed in love at first sight. :) He's not the drop dead gorgeous type, but so cute. He's too skinny. He's super friendly. He hung around and we chatted while I worked. I think he came in every night after that when he got off work. (He lived above the restaurant.)

We got to be really good friends. I went to his apartment a couple times after work just to chat and listen to him play the guitar. He's so talented!

And then he broke my heart. He asked me if I thought a friend I worked with would consider going out with him. I was crushed. But, me being the good friend that I am, said why not try. So they started dating. We still stayed friends. We still hung out at times. I came in to work one night and there were 6 yellow roses and a card waiting for me in the cooler from him, just for being a good friend. That was one of the nicest things anyone had done for me. He and my friend got engaged. I was going to be in the wedding, and even had measurements taken for the bridesmaid dress. Then she broke it off and pretty much disappeared for awhile. But he and I stayed friends. I had started dating dh, and I dont remember if it was right before I got married, or right after, but right around my wedding time I got a letter from my friend (this was before email), and he said he had had a crush on me. Broken heart #2. I thought it was too late to break things off. So I went ahead with it. We all know how that turned out. (Although I wouldnt change a thing, because that would mean giving up my girls, which I wouldnt trade for anything in the world!)

Anyway, we've stayed friends all these years. I've met him a couple times for lunch, and got to tour his recording studio when he had it. But thats about the extent of seeing him. We've stayed in touch through email.

Now I'm going through a divorce. He is still single. Could there be a chance? He is still so much in my heart. I dont know that I can, or want to, go out with anyone else until I know if there is a chance with him. The thought has always been in my mind, and I feel its an unresolved issue with me. I've spent a lot of time wondering "what if...". I dont want to spend the rest of my life wondering the same thing.

Of course, I'm not sure I have the guts to make the move. I've asked if he wants to have lunch or hang out or something, and he said sure, but so far it hasnt happened. I know he's having some issues in his life right now.... I'm just not sure what to do.

...and now you know, the rest of the story. (but I hope its not the end of the story) :)

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