Grandpa is off the vent. I know thats a step in the right direction, but I dont really know how he's doing, or what the prognosis is. He was sleeping when I saw him the first time today, and seemed to be restless. He opened his eyes once, but I dont think he was really awake. I went back in later before I left, and they were telling him he had to leave his clothes on. He was taking his gown off. So they got him dressed, then restrained him again. I hate that. They also gave him something to relax, and he went back to sleep. I know at times he's answered questions, but he's never been awake enough when I'm there to do that. I'm still really worried.
I've been thinking about some other things this weekend too. When I got home from the hospital this afternoon, I spent a few hours working outside. I got the little patio done and the white furniture put on it. I dug more hostas and planted them up front, and finished the path through the flower bed. Its starting to look good. I was "talking" to my grandma while I was working. I hope she's happy with what I'm doing here, and that I'm raising my girls here. I still miss her bunches.
I've been having some converstaions with several people, and I'm trying to figure out what I want out of life. You'd think by now I'd know, but I dont. Well, I guess thats not entirely true. I want to raise happy, healthy, respectful girls. I want to be happy.
I guess what I need to decide is what I want out of life, and what I need out of life. I need a job to support us. I want a job that I like. The thing is, I have no clue what I want to do. I dont know that I want a career...I just want a job...something to do to get the money I need to be happy. I'm not materialistic...I dont need things.
I would like to have "someone special" in my life. Right now I think it would just be fun to hang out with people...go to dinner or movies, have a cookout, etc. I think someday I'd like to be married again. I know it would have to be someone really special...not every guy is going to be willing to be with someone who has 4 kids.
Someone said one thing to me today that really made me realize how far I've come in my life. Maybe its because I was so unhappy in my marriage for so many years... I've learned that it really doesn't matter what other people think of me...I have to be happy with me. And I'm 85% happy with me these days. The other 15% I'm working on right now, and I'm making progress.
There is one thing I know I want. I've wanted it for a long time...a very long time. It hasnt changed. I just have to figure out how to go about getting it....